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3 Years Ago:

It was a Sunday. I did not sleep well that night. I was like a little girl waiting for Christmas to finally arrive – so excited, and when I saw the sun coming out around six o’clock I sneaked out of bed and went downstairs to POAS (or rather in a container and dipped the stick). I had bought a super sensitive stick the day before and according to that test one can test as early as 4 days before your period is due, so I tested on CD24. There was no doubt in my mind that I was pregnant, but I realised it was early to test on CD24 so I did not really expect to see a positive.

I nervously held the stick in my hand and watched the pink colour move across the little window, and for a few moments I just put it down and could not look at it anymore. Then the anticipation got too much and I had to look again and there was a really feint second line! So quickly! It felt like my heart skipped a beat, and then I just broke down in tears and praised the Lord! He kept His promise! I was pregnant!

It felt like an eternity before DH woke up and came downstairs. In that time I tested with 2 other but less sensitive tests I had in the house but both of those were negative.

I asked for his opinion about something: “Can you see a second line here?”, while I handed him the stick. He looked and said, “No.” I said, “Look carefully there is a feint line there,” and he replied, “Yes, I see a very feint line, but surely that cannot be positive?”

We had plans to visit family that day, and we could not get to a lab to do blood tests, so I had to wait until the next morning. I tested with my last test (one of the less sensitive ones I tried the previous day), and this time it came up positive! It was so sweet to see that second line! I got dressed quickly to drive to the hospital in our town to have my blood drawn. I phoned my FS’s rooms for my results later in the afternoon and they did not receive it! O, the agony!

Only on the Tuesday morning did the sister phone to say that my Beta was 50. She thought it was a bit low and asked me to be cautiously optimistic, but I was ecstatic, and I tried to explain to her that I tested early, but she did not want to listen to me. Wednesday morning I was off early to the lab again, but this time I went to a hospital in a neighbouring town because the lab at our hospital not only lost my blood results but the nurses that draw the blood were also not very good at their job, and I was black and blue from the previous test.  There was a little bit of spotting when I wiped that morning, so before we left to go to the hospital for the bloods I phoned the sister at the FS, and she suggested I test my progesterone levels too.

This time I did not have to phone the clinic, before I could get too worked up and nervous the sister phoned me and she was almost screaming from excitement because my Beta was 195, almost 4 times more than 2 days before that, and I was only on CD27 of my cycle!

That night we told our parents, our siblings and our closest friends that I was pregnant.

***

I have such wonderful memories from those early days and I have been thinking back on it a lot these last couple of days. I actually thought I was pregnant a few days ago, because AF was late (well … late for me).

I haven’t had a normal cycle since before G-force was born. The first cycle after his birth, at around 10 months was over 30 days (not sure exactly how long), but all the others were quite short cycles anything from 21 days to about 26 days.

This past Sunday I was on CD28 and had a feeling of cramping since Friday, but no blood and no spotting, so I tested with a not very sensitive test. It was negative, but I was not upset since I figured the test was not sensitive enough. I did not have any other tests in the house and could not go to the shops to buy more until Monday afternoon.  Monday night I had a little brown blood when I wiped and I thought I will test the next morning if AF did not start during the night as lately I do spot before AF arrives in full force, but only for an hour or so before.

Tuesday morning there was still some spotting, a little more but really not a lot, so I tested with one of those super sensitive ones I tested with 3 years ago… And it was also negative… An hour or so later AF arrived in full force. I cannot really say I was disappointed, and I was definitely not upset.

At least I had a perfect 29 day cycle, and I’m pretty sure I ovulated around CD14 or CD15 because I had ovulation pains on those 2 days and that means that my lutual phase was around 14 days, which is perfect. Praise the Lord for that! I’m hoping that we will have a positive test really soon now!

I must say I am still absolutely blown away with our wonderful, beautiful little boy the Lord has graced us with! Believe it or not, but I still thank and praise the Lord for him just about every day! I’m still as grateful as I was when we just found out that I was pregnant, and our little boy has turned out so much more than what we ever could have hoped or dreamed of! God is so good! He has blessed us tremendously with this child of ours!

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Gosh, it has been a while since I’ve blogged! I’m concentrating more on the Bible studies lately, and I must say it’s taking a lot more time to do each Bible study than I thought, but it has blessed me incredibly! Who would have thought that just refreshing your mind with truths you already know will bless one so much! It’s good to spend time in God’s Word and it is really good for one’s soul!

Studying God’s word has also helped me to see a couple of things differently. While I’ve been studying the Covenants, how graceful the Lord is and that our sins are not imputed on to us anymore, it’s helped me to realize that none of God’s blessings is dependent on me or my performance. All the blessings are pure grace (undeserved, unearned, unmerited favour) and it all depends only on Jesus’ performance at Calvary, and since His performance was perfect and it is finished, whatever I do or don’t do will not affect God’s grace towards me.

How freeing is that! All the pressure I had put on myself is suddenly all gone! I am free now to worship God and thank Jesus for His wonderful sacrifice and relax about all the things that bother or worry me. It feels like I am walking on clouds, I feel like singing and dancing and rejoicing all day, because God is sooooooo good! For some reason I keep thinking, “Our future is so bright, we’ve got to wear shades!” ;)

Then 2 days ago I got this daily devotional from Jo.seph Prin.ce in my inbox and it just confirmed all that the Holy Spirit has been showing me lately:

Song of Solomon 4:7:  You are all fair, my love, and there is no spot in you.

“Sometimes, when we don’t receive our healing, breakthrough, restoration or miracle child, we can’t help but think that something is wrong with us. We tell ourselves, “Nothing’s wrong with God, nothing’s wrong with the Word, so something must be wrong with me!” My friend, if you think that your miracle depends on you, then you are on shaky ground.

In the old covenant, we see this “it’s all up to me” demand put on man. God’s part was to bless His people, but only if they played their part by obeying all of His laws. If they didn’t do their part, not only would they not be blessed, but the curse would also come on them.

Most of the time, they ended up under the curse because they just could not keep all of God’s laws. So God found fault with that covenant because though He wanted to bless man, man’s sins made it difficult for Him to do so. Man himself was the weak link.

In the new covenant, man has no part to play except to believe and receive. The new covenant of grace was cut between God the Father and God the Son—both infallible and more than able to keep the covenant.

God the Son is man’s representative. Jesus represents you and me. So in this covenant, how much we can receive from God depends on how good our representative is, how perfect His obedience is. Of course, Jesus is the perfect Man with perfect obedience. So in Him, we are qualified to receive all the blessings of God! We only need to believe and receive.

Jesus’ blood has been shed for the remission of all your sins. You are now the righteousness of God in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:21) By His one perfect sacrifice, He has perfected you forever. (Hebrews 10:14, KJV) There is no spot in you!

Today, the devil has no right to tell you that you cannot be blessed because there is something wrong with you. So as you are waiting for your miracle, say, “Nothing’s wrong with God, nothing’s wrong with the Word and nothing’s wrong with me! I am going to receive my miracle!”

2 Years:

G2yrs

Our baby had his 2nd birthday almost 2 weeks ago, and it’s hard to think that he is actually not a baby anymore. I guess I won’t be able to call him Baby G anymore… So I’ll be calling him G-force from now, since that is his granny’s nickname for him…

Measurements on 13/12/2013:
Weight: 11.41 kg
Height: 86 cm
Head circumference: 50 cm

Our little guy is doing so well in every way; I’m still almost every day in awe of how much the Lord has blessed us.

Crèche: He’s gone to the next class in crèche, but he is with the same teacher he had last year. Usually they go over somewhere between 2 and 3, but they have to be ready for it. The criteria are that they must be able to speak well and know the different colours. Well, he doesn’t know every colour (he usually gets blue and red right, but he is not so good with the other colours), but they decided to let him go anyway. So far it looks like he is the only boy that graduated to the next class, along with 2 other girls. Last year there was 1 girl that could only go to the next class when she was almost 3 and I know there was also 1 boy in his class that turns 3 in March and he is still in the old class. I was totally surprised when the teacher told me (very proudly) that he is ready to go to the next class. My dad made a comment that we shouldn’t push him before he is ready, but we didn’t and it wasn’t our idea. We were quite happy to have him stay in the old class for probably the next 6 months. The teacher said that he does very well with most of the activities that they do, and he was the best with sticking stickers onto a picture of all the kids in his class.

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Talking: G-force is talking really well for his age. Every day he uses a lot of new words, and he only needs to hear them once to repeat it. He speaks 4-6 word sentences regularly and he is also starting to speak English. He must have learnt that from school, from the new teacher’s assistant that took over for the last 3 months of the year. He says words like: “No,” “let’s go,” “naughty,” “move,” “mine,” “bubbles,” & probably a few more that I can’t think off now.

The other day we were visiting friends and their 4,5 year old daughter told me how their one dog bit the other dog on the ear and that we shouldn’t touch the ear because it was sore. I was holding G-force while she told this to me and did not notice that he was listening intently to what she was saying. DH came and stood next to me and immediately G-force told his daddy; “Pappa, Goo.gle stout! Pappa, Goo.gle eina daai ene.” The translation is: “Daddy, Goo.gle (the dog’s name) naughty! Daddy, Goo.gle hurt that one (pointing to the other dog).” Such a good summary of what the little girl told me, so he completely understood what she said and he could retell the story.

Eating: In general G-force eats quite well. Especially when we give him something that he likes, but there are still times when we really struggle to get him to eat something. We are also worried that he eats less than other kids his age. They tell me that he eats well at school, but he is quite skinny, and when we speak to friends of ours who have a boy 3 weeks older than G-force it’s obvious that G-force eats a lot less at a time, and that little boy is not a fat or even chubby little boy at all. I suspect we have a picky eater on our hands and he will rather not eat at all than eat something he does not want. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because I was not a good eater either as a kid and from what I’ve heard from my MIL, neither was any of her kids. Both DH and I were incredibly skinny kids, as a matter of fact we were both still very skinny when we met in 1993, when he was 22 and I was almost 22…

Sleeping: O boy, did we sleep poorly for a week or two in December! I felt like a zombie and one morning I actually broke down and cried, because I was so tired! We narrowed it down to 2 reasons – teething and a disrupted routine. We don’t like to give G-force meds regularly but we started to give him medication for teething to help him sleep at night and we got quite strict on things like naps and eating at the right time. Almost immediately things got better and he now only wakes once anytime from 3am to about 5am, and he will go back to sleep again afterwards. As a matter of fact G-force often slept until 7h45 and sometimes even later. One morning he woke us all up at 9h30 (that morning he woke after 6 am and I brought him back to bed with me). It was really nice for all of us to be able to sleep in a bit at the same time!

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Teeth: We had lots of teething symptoms in December – those horrible teething poo’s that immediately gives a nappy rash, chewing on fingers, and G-force even complained that his mouth was sore several times. About 2 weeks ago I tried to feel if he has new molars, but I could not feel any new teeth yet. G-force thought it was very funny to bite mommy’s fingers, as I tried to feel for new molars, so I won’t be trying it again soon. This past weekend though we played and he was laughing loudly and I could see a tiny white triangle peek through behind the molar on the top left, so I think at least one has started to cut through. I could only see from a certain angle though, so there can be more.

Potty training: Well the plan was to start potty training as soon as the crèche closed for the December holidays, but 2 weeks before G-force decided that he did not want to sit on the potty anymore, and he would cry when we tried. So I did not push him since I don’t want to force it on him and get negative emotions associated with potty training. When we heard that he graduated to the next class and that from this year they will do potty training with him at the crèche, the pressure was off. I tried again a week ago with the incentive of sticking stickers onto a piece of paper or unto himself if he is successful, and he is now happy again to sit on the potty. So I send underwear and pull up nappies to school now and we will see how it goes.

2nd birthday parties: For his first birthday we had 1 birthday party for G-force on his actual birthday, but it was so stressful for me, because we had so many Christmas activities before his birthday, and it was hard to get everything ready in time for his birthday, since all of the Christmas activities were at other people’s houses and the shops are closed on Christmas day. I then said that we would have his next party before Christmas, since a lot of people would be away over Christmas anyway. We had the official part a few weeks before his birthday and it was fun, and a lot less stress to plan and organize. Once again I baked his cake and I think it turned out better than the cake for his first birthday. It still took me almost a whole day to make though…

2ndbrthdy cake

On G-force’s birthday we had another celebration at MIL and FIL’s house since they have an indoor heated pool as the weather forecast for the day was rain. It was a lot more informal, just us, my dad, MIL, FIL, DH’s grandmother and his sister. So not a lot of pressure on me like his first birthday party. DH asked everyone to club in so that we can buy G-force a trampoline, so he got the one big present and a few smaller presents. That suits us well because G-force has so many toys already and we actually threw quite a lot away, donated some to the crèche and packed a lot that we want to keep into boxes.

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G-force understood what his birthday was all about this time, unlike his first birthday. When I showed him his cake the day before his party he recognized it for what it was, because just a little while later we heard him sing “Happy Birthday”. He loved to open his presents and by his actual birthday he was so spoiled by all the presents he received within such a short time if you count the Christmas presents too.

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2nd Year in Pictures:

January 2013

January 2013

February 2013

February 2013

March 2013

March 2013

April 2013

April 2013

May 2013

May 2013

June 2013

June 2013

July 2013

July 2013

August 2013

August 2013

September 2013

September 2013

October 2013

October 2013

November 2013

November 2013

December 2013

December 2013

I wish all of you a joyous, blessed and fruitful 2014!

E-mail Bible Study:

A while ago I had this incredible feeling of sadness in my heart for all couples who are struggling to conceive, and I just remembered the incredible pain we went through, especially not knowing whether we would have any children or not…

I also felt led by the Lord to start some kind of Bible study group for people who are struggling to conceive, it doesn’t matter if it is for a first child, or for a second or third/fourth/how many children you want, or even if you might be able to fall pregnant, but maybe you have had a miscarriage or several miscarriages.

At first I thought about having meetings in my home or a central location where couples in the Gauteng area could join, but I haven’t been able to find many who are interested. But someone from Zimbabwe said she would be interested and asked if I could make a plan to include her, and that led to me to thinking that maybe it would be a better idea for me to write Bible study pieces and e-mail it to all who would be interested in joining, that way any one from all over the world can join, and people can even join later and still benefit from it. But the best advantage of doing it this way is that everyone can do it in their own time and at their own pace.

These Bible study pieces will be based around Bible Scriptures, since the sole purpose of starting this is to help others learn the truth concerning infertility, miscarriages and healing according to the Bible. This will not be based on any church group, or denomination’s teachings, but on what the Holy Spirit has taught me and brought to revelation to me over the past couple of years. Most of these revelations that I will share are the ones that helped us to get our break through and have baby G.

If you are interested in joining please send me an e-mail to marion dot kmeoj at hotmail dot com. I also welcome any questions, things you might want me to include in the Bible study, but please know that I will start with the basics. I will also be praying for everyone involved in this Bible study, so feel free to send prayer requests too. If you want to stay anonymous you are welcome to do so, but please know that I will keep everything confidential unless you give me permission to share a testimony. Yes, I said sharing a testimony because I know that we will see some wonderful miracles!

22 Months:

22 months

Its less than two months before our baby turns two years old.  I’ve been thinking back a lot to two years ago when I was pregnant in my 3rd trimester and excitedly awaiting the birth of our baby.  But somehow, I often think that it was only a year ago…  I think I’m starting to miss being pregnant again, and miss having a tiny little baby.  I guess that shows it’s time for number 2 ;)!

Measurements on 31/10/2013:

Weight:  11.085 kg

Height: 85 cm

Head circumference:  48.5 cm

Our little guy is growing up so quick!  He is at a really cute stage, especially with the way he talks, we often have to chuckle at the stuff he says.  He tries to copy everything we say and he says new words daily and we often wonder, “where did he hear that?”  I can definitely notice that they teach him a lot at the crèche that we probably would not have taught him by now.  He can show us most of his body parts, like eyes, ears, nose etc, but even things like hair, fingers, toes, tummy.  He can also make a lot of animal sounds, like if you ask what sound does a cow, chicken, dog, cat, sheep, etc make he will make the right sound.  He also recognizes the animals in picture books, on TV or if we show him toy animals.  A few nights ago he showed me the little monkeys on his pajama bottoms and said, “apie” (monkey).  I did not even notice them until he showed them to me.

DH and I were talking and I said to DH that he will get into trouble with his mom over something and baby G chirped “moeilikheid” (trouble).  We couldn’t believe he could say that word.  Yesterday afternoon I took my laundry basket outside to take the laundry off the line and baby G asked me, “buite bad?” (bathe outside?), because he used to bathe in that laundry basket in the shower while DH took a shower (months ago, because he now only wants to bathe in the bath).  Last weekend baby G also told his daddy, “Pappa buite, nou!”  (Daddy outside, now!”)

Baby G is also learning some English words, and it’s so cute he prefers to say “no” now and he likes to tell the dogs to “move”, because DH says that to them quite often.  He’s also started to tell us to “move” and that is not always funny.  Now we have to teach him about respect for other people!

Baby G also loves to help around the house, much to our dismay.  We cannot vacuum at all, because he wants to vacuum.  The same with the broom and the mop, the moment he sees it he wants to use it himself.  He also helps to pick up stuff, and put it in containers.  So he is starting to help us to put his toys away, but often he will unpack it again only moments later.  The latest is that he wants to inject his medicine into his own mouth!

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Reading books is his favourite activity at home these days and he loves to point to pictures and say what they are.  A few days ago he pointed to pictures of a table and chair in the book and then he touched our coffee table and said “tafel” (table) and he did the same with his little chair.

We really want to put some effort into teaching baby G to swim, because it looks like he is swimming in the bath already.  My MIL has a heated indoor pool and we’ve taken him once to swim in it already since spring started and he naturally wants to doggy paddle.  He also tried to push DH’s hands away, because like many things he wants to do this on his own as well (he cannot off course, but he doesn’t understand that).  The only problem is that we must make the time over weekends, and consistently take him swimming, and so far we haven’t managed that.

Teeth: Baby G’s bottom incisors cut through recently, so I think he has all the teeth he is supposed to have for now.  From now on it is only molars that need to come out, and we will see when that will happen.

Eating:  Baby G eats well, he eats what we eat most of the time, but I have found that at the times when he is teething he still prefers pureed food.  At those times he will get some off our freezer stash, but he is quickly eating it all up, so I’ll have to make some more soon.

I’ve noticed that Baby G is ravenous when I pick him up at the crèche in the afternoons, so I always have a snack for him to eat, which is usually a fruit like a banana,  pieces of apple that I’ve cut up for him, a pear, a plum or whatever fruits looks nice in the shops.

I’m still nursing, but I’m getting tired of it by now, and I must admit I have no idea how to stop.  I had baby G at the clinic yesterday and the sister there said I must put some plasters on my nipples and pretend that they are sore.  She also said that putting lemon juice, vinegar or anything similarly bad tasting on does not really help – she’s seen little one’s persisting and drinking even though the nipple tastes vile.  It seems that we will have a bit of a battle on our hands, because I’ve told baby G that the milk is finished a couple of times and he was not impressed, and we’ve even had mini tantrums and a lot of pulling on my clothes.  I know I will miss nursing, but right now I’m just tired of it all.  DH’s grandma said that in her day they sent the kids to family for a couple of days, but baby G hasn’t slept away from us yet – he has gone for a visit to his grandparents for the day, but a few days sounds too long for me!  Any advice will surely be appreciated!

I must admit I feel a bit guilty too, because he absolutely adores to nurse and I feel selfish for wanting to stop, when he clearly doesn’t want to stop…

Sleeping:  Baby G is sleeping better again.  Baby G either wakes once or sleeps through to about 5h00, and he will fall asleep again afterwards. We have noticed that when he wakes often, that it’s best to give him teething meds, and then he usually sleeps through after that.   I know the teething medication I use doesn’t make him drowsy, so I’m convinced that a lot of his waking is due to teething.  The other night he called out to me and said “eina” a lot, so I knew he had pain.

Potty training:  We are still taking it slow, not really forcing the issue, because at the crèche they don’t potty train in the class baby G is in at all.  They only start doing that from the next class, and he will have to be 2 before he can go to that class (so from next year only).  I have noticed that baby G can now stop and start to urinate at will, and he sits on the potty at home twice a day.  Most of the time he will urinate and he’s even made a poo in the potty twice.  This past Saturday he came to me about 20 minutes after I changed his nappy and told me he needed to wee (he had that worried look, and was dancing around a bit obviously trying to hold it in).  So I took him to his potty and let him sit on it and he made a wee.  I checked his nappy and it was still completely dry.  So far it’s only happened once, not again, but it looks like he is getting the idea.  I’m thinking of trying in earnest in December when the crèche is closed, because there is no use trying if the crèche is not 100% on board as well (I know they are not because I’ve discussed it with his teacher already).

Firsts:  Last week was our baby’s first school concert.  They sent the clothes home 2 days before the concert and when I took it out baby G immediately wanted to wear it.  It seems it’s not only little girls that like to play dress up.  So I dressed him in it and wondered aloud, “What are you supposed to be?”  Baby G told me he is a “woef”, (woof – dog) and I thought, “yeah right!”  Well when it was his class’ turn they started to play the song, “who let the dogs out,” and it I realised that he answered my question correctly.  Weird thing is that we don’t call our dogs “woef” but we call them “honde” which is the correct Afrikaans word for dogs, and baby G also calls them “honne”, so I should have realised that he must have heard it somewhere else.  The concert was really cute, but baby G was on the stage for about 2 minutes maximum, and most of that time he was in the back somewhere until one of the staff members at the school picked him up and brought him to the front.  He also did not do much; she clapped his hands for him and waved them around in tune to the music.

I guess one should not expect much for a 22 month old, but I once walked into their class where all the little ones were dancing a choreographed dance, and I thought that might be what they were doing for the concert.  It wasn’t, because it was to a DVD they were watching, completely different music, and it was so cute to see these little ones dancing so enthusiastically.  I had hoped to see something similar at the concert, but it was nothing like that.  I think the poor little kids did not know what was going on, and it was really close to their bedtime too, I must say…  Baby G did look really cute though and he wanted to dress up again in his concert clothes over the weekend.

Concert1

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I want to share this message of Cref.lo Dol.lar today, because it is so important that we all understand that we are completely forgiven of our past, present and future sins.  Jesus’ sacrifice was more than enough – He paid the penalty once for everybody.  The message is called The Overflow of Forgiveness and if you want to order it the order number is #1796C.

“Acts 16:30-31:  “And brought them out, and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved?  And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.”

What must I do to be saved?  He said believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.  How do you do that?  What must I do to be saved?  Well, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ…  Romans chapter 10 says that if you will confess with your mouth that the Lord Jesus Christ and believe in your heart…  There it is again.  Believe what?

Well let’s look at 3 things that I know you have to believe in order for you to be saved.  What do I believe? Specifically what do I believe?

  1. I believe that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Personal saviour who died for all of my sins on the cross.
  2. I believe that Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation and that once I receive Jesus I receive eternal life.
  3. I believe that my sins have been forgiven, past, present and future.  That  on the cross at Calvary and as a result of it, today, God is merciful unto all of my unrighteousness and as far as my sins and unlawful deeds – He remembers them no more.

In fact that part is the last line of the new covenant in Hebrews Chapter 8 that says the only way you will benefit from the new covenant of grace is that you have to believe that He has been merciful to all of your unrighteousness and that your sins and unlawful deeds He remembers no more.  In fact if you don’t believe that God has been merciful to all of your unrighteousness and if you don’t believe that your sins and inequities and unlawful deeds He remembers no more the new covenant won’t benefit you.  You won’t benefit from the good and the blessings and the unmerited favour that the new covenant offers to you.  It won’t work.  At all…

So a whole lot of things working in our lives that as far as the new covenant is concerned and we will go over there in a moment but a whole lot of things working in our lives are going to be based on whether or not we believe it.  So when somebody says they believe in Jesus they ought to know what they believe…

He is my Lord and personal Saviour.  He died on the cross for my sins.  He is the one that allowed me to be saved and salvation can only be through Jesus.  We are not mixing all the religions together to please everybody – Jesus is the only way!  We can only be saved through Jesus, I have eternal life through Him, but now this third area is so important, and I am finding the more I preach this the more people are trying to come up with ways to say; “We really don’t believe that God has forgiven us of all our sins.”  I can’t tell you how dangerous that is to not believe that.

Now this is where the last clause of the new covenant applies, the part about believing that He has been merciful to all of your unrighteousness and your sins and inequities He remembers no more.   So what I would like to do is, let’s go to Hebrews Chapter 8 and kind of pull everybody up on this new covenant.  Let’s start at verse 6…  Man, I believe in Jesus, oh I believe in Jesus, Hallelujah!  Thank God for all of these wonderful principles we have learned of all of these years, but you know what, it’s going to come down to one person:  I believe in Jesus!  Turn to your neighbour and say; “Jesus did it all!”

Hebrews 8:6-7:  6 But now hath he obtained a more excellent ministry, by how much also he is the mediator of a better covenant, which was established upon better promises.  7 For if that first covenant…”  Now the first covenant he is referring to here is the covenant of law that came by Moses, “now if that first covenant had been faultless then should no place have been sought for the second.”

Well that makes sense; if there was nothing wrong with the first covenant then we wouldn’t be talking about a second covenant.    Now there was nothing per se wrong with the first covenant except the fact that it was so perfect that men couldn’t keep it.  So that was the fault that was found with it, it couldn’t be kept.

Hebrews 8:8-9:  8 For finding fault with them, he saith, Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah:”  So this is a new covenant we are talking about the old one is getting ready to pass away.  9 Not according to the covenant that I have made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt because they continued not in my covenant and I regarded them not, saith the Lord.”

The amplified says; “It will not be like the covenant that I made with their forefathers on the day that I grasped them by the hand to help and to relieve them and lead them out of the land of Egypt, for they did not abide in my agreement with them, and so I withdrew my favour and disregarded them, says the Lord.”  They did not abide in the agreement, so I withdrew my favour.  I’m not going to make a covenant where man’s faithfulness will determine My faithfulness.  I’m not going to do that.  This covenant is not going to be about man doing his part in order for me to do My part.  That is not what this is going to be about.

This is a new covenant and he goes on in verse 10:  10 For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts; and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:” So here is God saying; “all right I’m going to write my laws in their minds and their hearts.  Well what is it?  Is He going to write the 10 commandments?  No He is going to write the law of love, the law of faith the perfect law of liberty, God is going to put it in there, by the Holy Spirit He is going to put it on the inside of you.  Romans 5:5 says; “He poured His love into your heart by the Holy Spirit.”  So the love of God is going to be written on your heart and not just on stone but in your heart He is going to write it, but now look what he says, Hebrews 8:10-11: “And I’ll be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:  and they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his bother saying, Know the Lord:  for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.”  God says I’m going to teach people to know me.  Isn’t that something?  God says in this new covenant, now this is going to be hard for you to hear this, “I’m going to be serving you.”  Yeah…  In this new Covenant I will, I will, I will…  In this new covenant I’m going to be faithful to you. In this new covenant your faithfulness doesn’t get the opportunity to determine my faithfulness.   In this new covenant I will and I will and I will…

All right, but watch this now:  In this new covenant God makes it very clear what our part is.  Our part is believing.  In this new covenant that is our part.  In this new covenant our part is believing – our part is to believe OK?  Hebrews 8:12-13: “For I will be merciful to their unrigteouness, and their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.  In that he saith, A new covenant, he hath made the first old.  Now that which decayeth and waxeth old is ready to vanish away.”  All right now verse 12 is so important because this is where the last clause of the new covenant applies, in verse 12 it says, that He will be merciful to your unrighteousness and your sins and unlawful deeds He will remember no more.  And God is saying; “I need you to believe that.”  That the ignition to the new covenant working is going to be based on you believing verse 12.

Just like it’s important for salvation and being born again for you to believe what you believe about Jesus, in order for this new covenant to release the blessings of the new covenant, release the goodness of the new covenant, to release the unmerited favour of this new covenant in order for that to happen in order for this unmerited favour to be released in order for the blessings to be released in order for the goodness to be released He says you are going to have to believe that God has been merciful unto your unrighteousness and your sins and unlawful deeds He remembers no more.  If you don’t believe that you will short circuit and find yourself in a situation where you are not receiving the goodness, the blessings and the unmerited favour from this new covenant and it is all based on verse 12.  That is the trigger point.  That is the part he is asking you to believe.  He is not asking you to, with your self effort, to do what would happen in the old covenant – Do good, get good – do bad, get bad.  In the old covenant your faithfulness determined God’s faithfulness, in the old covenant what you did would determine what God could do, He said that’s passed away.  That’s decayed away.  He said what I’m going to do is  – if you would just believe that I am merciful unto your unrighteousness, and if you would just believe that your sins and unlawful deeds are remembered no more, then I can be your God and I can write on your heart and I can write on your mind and I can lead you and I can show you and I can teach you to know me and I can do all kinds of things I just need you – listen to this – to get out of my way!

I’ve been studying for some sermons on the Abrahamic covenant of grace and I went back and studied the Abrahamic Covenant and there was not one thing that Abraham did to deserve anything that God did.  In fact when God showed up to Abraham he was worshipping the moon!  He didn’t deserve anything that God did for Abraham, it was all unearned.  Nothing!  In fact you’ll find Abraham in the midst of disobeying God, in the midst of being dishonest and God blessing Him.  Yeah!  Yeah!

God said; “I want you to leave, go for yourself,” the amplified says, “get away from you relatives” and as he was leaving Lot was going with him!  Lot was right there with him and God said I’m going to bless you.  And then if you go on to the next chapter and they come before Abimelek and Abraham starts to rising a scheme, “You are a good looking woman so we need to get ourselves together, now lie about who I am.”  And God blesses Him!  And then in the next chapter there is strife between Lot’s camp and Abraham’s camp, there is strife there and God blesses them!  Then He goes and tell them that they are going to have a child out of your own bowels, you know you are going to be blessed with your own kid and they laughed!  They didn’t even believe it and God blesses them!  The only time God couldn’t do anything for Abraham was when he tried out of his own effort to make what God had promised come to pass – when they had Ismail.

And now you take that Abrahamic covenant of grace – I can’t help but give you a little bit of it, I’m so overwhelmed with this.  Part of that covenant of Abraham dealt with the slavery of Israel in Egypt so all the way up to Moses’ time when the children of Israel were being delivered out of Egypt He was honouring the Abrahamic covenant of grace.  The Bible says he brings them out of Egypt and there was no feeble one amongst them.  They weren’t even feeble!  There were nobody hopping, they were all straight, it was all good!  It was all good!  There was not even one feeble one amongst their tribe! Nobody died on that journey, nobody died!

If you will read it carefully, man, they got to the red sea and what are they doing?  Murmuring!  You brought us out here to die! It seemed like every fresh murmur produced a fresh mercy of God!  They murmured and look what God did!  He opened the red sea, and he dried it up because he didn’t want their feet to get muddy when they walked through.  What?    Then they got over there; “we are hungry!  You brought us out here to starve us!”  And they started raining down murmurings and guess what God did?  Rained down manna.  It was all grace.  It was all grace and it was all good in that neighbourhood and you know they were complaining and you know they had unforgiveness, you know they had problems with their leadership and God just kept blessing them and kept blessing them…

And look at His presence – His presence was right in the middle of their camp – a cloud by day and a fire by night right in the middle of camp!  The presence of God was right there, they murmured and the presence of God was still right there!

And watch when it changed… When they said; “we can do all that you said.”  Immediately everything changed.  The cloud got thick, God said now tell them they can’t come here no more. If they touch the bottom of that mountain they are going to die.  No, they can’t hear from me no more, because you want to judge you based on your own merit, all right I will give you the law!  This law will bring you to an end of yourself.  Just like with Abraham when I waited 13 years from 86 to 99, when you don’t have any more self effort to depend on and then you are going to have to depend on me and then I will introduce myself to you as the God who is mighty in every area of your life!

I don’t want us to make the same mistake!  Religion keeps telling you to get in God’s way, religion keeps trying to tell you that you need to do these things in order for God to this, religion keep trying to tell you you’ve got to do all of these requirements to do that and God is saying I can take care of all of that.  God is saying, listen, I can help you to fulfil all of the law, and all you have to do is receive my love.  I didn’t tell you to act like a fool!  I’m telling you to yield to me so that I can lead you and guide you in the way that the law has tried to lead you and guide you and you keep trying to come up with a way to help me.  Don’t you know who I am?  Don’t you know where I bought you from?  Don’t you know there are a 1000 ways for me to knock you off before 8 o’clock tonight!

Would you please believe me!  Believe me!  Believe me!  I sent you a helper.  Are you trying to help me?  Believe me, let me do my thing… Then go and tell somebody about it.  How hard is that?  Obey my voice.  Walk with me.  Talk with me.  Fellowship with me.  I’m going to show you things that you know not off.  That is why He wants you to walk with him.  So that He can show you.  So that He can talk to you.  So that He can say it to you.  We are coming to a very rich tender time in the anointing where if you will give the Holy Spirit the opportunity, he is going to lead you and guide you to some truths that is going to take you in places that there would be no way for you to get there in the natural if you will begin to trust him.

But here is the thing you’ve got to trust more than anything: That God has been merciful to your unrighteousness.  You know when it comes time to get healed you cannot be sitting up there thinking about maybe this is a get back for something I did 2 years ago.  When there come times when there is a shortage in your life and the money is not there you cannot be sitting back there thinking about that it was something that I must have done last week.  You can’t do that, because it immediately short circuits what is necessary for that new covenant to begin to operate.  That’s got to be a settled issue.

Then you see Jesus in the gospels trying to demonstrate over and over again when it came to this man that appeared before him who was sick and he went up to him and said your sins are forgiven, and then the church folk had a fit; “who are you to forgive his sin!”  And Jesus knew this and you see this pattern all through the Bible even in the book Psalms (103) you see this pattern where there is forgiveness first and then a great healing took place.  Forget not our benefits, who heals all of our diseases… Yeah!  Who forgives all of our iniquities, well which comes first?  The forgiveness of all of our iniquities and then the healing of all of our disease and then our life being redeemed from destruction and then he crowns our head with tender mercies and loving kindness and then he satisfies our mouth with good things so that our youth is being renewed like an eagle.

But where did it all start?  It all started with you first of all understanding that He has forgiven you of all of your iniquity and then he will heal all of your diseases.  Because the issue that keeps so many people down is they don’t believe that God has forgiven them and you know what happens?  You vacillate from deliverance to bondage because you are not sure that this is the truth.  Every night you go to bed clean.  Every night you go to bed pure.  You live your life under a waterfall of forgiveness.  Do you understand me?  That is how you live your life.  If you keep going back to maybe there was something I didn’t do that is blocking this blessing from my life, you are dealing with a major issue of the new covenant not being able to function in your life.  God is not trying to get you back for sin that Jesus has already paid for.

Based on the new covenant of Grace what does God want you to believe?  He wants you to believe with all your heart that he meant every word when he said I will be merciful to your unrighteousness and their sins and their lawlessness deeds I will remember no more.  In the new covenant there is nothing for us to do but to believe this (gesturing to his Bible)

So its time for you to be healed.  Lord I thank you!  I believe that you have been merciful to my unrighteousness and my sins and iniquities you remember no more.  Hallelujah!  Thank you for healing!  That is all that is needed!”

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