I Failed Again:

RIP Shumi : 5 April 2005 - 22 February 2012

Yesterday we had to make a very difficult decision – we had to euthanize Shumi.  It was just getting too bad, there was a huge lump on the left side of his face and his breathing was getting harder and harder.  I knew this decision had to be made soon, and I really hoped that I could get a breakthrough and see full and complete healing for Shumi, but it was not to be.  That is actually the reason I’ve been so scarce on the internet.  I studied and studied and looked for some kind of revelation, but nothing I tried worked…

What makes it so bad is the fact that I know it was God’s will for Shumi to be healed and I know God had healed him in the spiritual realm.  But for some reason I just could not make it manifest in this physical realm.  That is why I say I failed again, just like I did when my mom passed away.  That is not easy to live with and it just makes me realize more why so many people say things like, “maybe it was not God’s will,” because it sure does eases one’s own conscience, but I know the truth and there is no use trying to dodge the responsibility.

It’s my fault Shumi got sick and it’s my fault he died.  I can still clearly remember not long before he got sick I would say things like, “I love you so much, I don’t know what would happen if something should happen to you,” and things like “I hope I never ever have to be in a position where I have to decide whether to euthanize one of my dogs.”  And I not only said those things I had a genuine fear that Shumi would die.  I guess it was brought on by my infertility – I poured all my love on Shumi and treated him almost like a child, and it felt like he and DH was all I had to live for.  So the words and the fear opened a door for the devil to attack us and he did it with cancer…  Then I learnt about supernatural healing and I’ve been studying it for more than a year and a half now, and I still could not get him healed.

Shumi was such a special dog – everyone that knew him thought so.  He was the breeder’s favourite, he bonded as a pup with my sister’s oldest daughter when she was just 21 months old and Shumi was 6 months old (those two were inseparable) and all our neighbours that lived around us loved him to bits.

He was so social that he would visit our neighbours in the estate we lived in and he even sometimes slept over in their houses.  If anyone had a social gathering on at their house, Shumi would be there and all their guests also knew him and loved him.  Once I even saw a stranger, a woman, sit on the sidewalk across from our house watching our house.  I called DH and he went outside to talk to her – it turned out she lived outside our estate, but for some reason she sometimes came there and visited Shumi.  That particular day Shumi was inside the house with us, so she waited outside patiently hoping to see him.

Even people who weren’t dog lovers loved him, because he was so well behaved.  A lot of people think boxers are naughty dogs and need a lot of attention – I can honestly say Shumi was never a naughty dog.  I’ve wondered many times what the dog whisperer would have thought of him because he really had no issues at all.

He was so happy to see baby G when we brought him home, but Shumi just stood about a metre away and wagged his tail, as if he knew he couldn’t touch or lick baby G due to the blood and snot coming from the lump on his head.  That made me so sad, because Shumi absolutely adored children and puppies, and he never could enjoy or get to know baby G due to his illness.  At least he saw him…

My heart is broken and I miss him so much, but I know his suffering is over now.  I know some people say animals have no souls or spirits and when they die, they just die, but I like to believe he is in heaven now, in a perfect body, with no more pain or discomfort, playing with all our babies and my mom and our previous boxers, Pippin, Tiger and Simbi…