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Posts Tagged ‘Infertility’

I really like this message, because it shows how all people go through doubt, fear and struggle with faith, yet it is still possible to get a breakthrough and get pregnant. It wasn’t easy for me either – I also had times when I thought it would never work, but don’t give up, don’t be too harsh on yourself and just never give up on your dream of a baby of your own! You can do it too!

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Lately I have been listening a lot to what people say in general about infertility.  I’m not just talking about the “fertiles” that have opinions on infertility here, but also actual Christians that are infertile.  It even reminded me of things I have said myself, out loud to others, or even in prayers to God.  And I realised that we are being extremely unfair to God.  He is blamed for a lot of things that is not His fault.  Mostly it is because I have learnt so much lately and my eyes have been opened to a lot of lies that we believe.  I want to try to explain to you with examples, so that you will hopefully also get some understanding and revelation about these things.

1.  “I know/believe God can make me pregnant, I just don’t know if it’s His will.”  I was really guilty of this one.  I have said it myself, I might even have blogged it, and I’ve said it many, many times in my prayers.  “God, I believe in miracles, I believe you can do amazing wonderful things beyond my imagination, but I don’t know if it’s your will for me to get pregnant or have children…”  When I did the Divine Healing Technician course Curry Blake explained it very nicely, and was I convicted!  If you have a child (Sorry, not an ideal example for this blog!) and that child wanted something from you, let’s say a toy, or a bike – how would you feel if that child said to you:  “Mom, I know it is in your ability to give it to me (you can afford it), but I don’t know if you want to…”  Parents want to give their children everything they want, because they love them.  If it’s at all possible you would do everything to your ability to help them, it is never a question of whether you want to or not and it is actually very insulting if your child should imply that you don’t want to…  It’s the same with God – we are insulting Him when we say:  “God I know you can give me a baby, but I don’t think/know if you want to…”  We say things like this because we don’t know God, and we don’t know what His will is.

2.  “It was God’s will that I had to be infertile, to teach me something.”  Here is the same mistake again – we don’t know what God’s will is, otherwise we would not say things like this.  Also God does not teach us by letting us “suffer”, or by letting bad things happen to us.  I want to quote Dr Fr.ed Chi.lds from his book:  Are you ready for your healing, pg 194:  “It is inaccurate for anyone who has suffered a debilitating accident, serious disease, or tragedy to say, “God did this to teach me something.”  God never uses sickness, disease, or bodily deformity to teach or guide His people.  God has given His Spirit (Holy Ghost) and His Word to instruct, correct, rebuke and guide His people.  Since all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose, He can certainly use tragedy as an opportunity for His Spirit and Word to teach us.  However, that is much different than God doing bad things to teach us.  God does no evil.  John 16:13 (NIV) is one witness that God uses his Spirit to teach us.  13 But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.”  2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV) is a witness that God uses His word to teach us.  16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

3.  “God had to break me/my will, so that I could conform to His will.”  This is once again a statement from someone who does not know God.  God will not break you.  God will not hurt you.  It’s the devil that hurts, and breaks and destroys…  God will not stoop to the same level as the devil to accomplish anything in your life. Here are some scriptures that describes who God is:  1 John 4:8-10, 16 (NIV):  8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.”  1 John 1:5 (NIV):  5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.”  Psalm 92:15 (NIV):  15 proclaiming, The LORD is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”  From these scriptures we can see that God loves us, so incredibly much that He sacrificed His Son for us, and that he has no wickedness or evil in Him so he cannot hurt us.

So what is God’s will about having children?  One of the first commands God gave Adam and Eve after they sinned in the Garden of Eden was:  Genesis 1:28 (NIV):  “…Be fruitful and increase in number…”
Exodus 23:25-26 (NIV):  25 Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, 26 and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.” 
Deuteronomy 7:13-14 (NIV):  13 He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land— your grain, new wine and oil— the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks in the land that he swore to your forefathers to give you.    14 You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young.”
Deuteronomy 28:1-4 (NIV):  1 If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands that I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth.    2 All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God: 3You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.    4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock— the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.”
Psalm 113:9 (NIV):  9 He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children.   Praise the LORD”

Psalm 127:3-5 (NIV):  3Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.    4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.    5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate”

Psalm 128:3 (NIV):  3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots round your table.”
1 Timothy 2:15 (NIV):  15 But women will be saved through childbearing— if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.”

So do you see that it is God’s Will for us to have children?  Most of these scriptures are also found in the Old Testament so that means it is Old Covenant scriptures – if it was God’s will under the Old Covenant is definitely His will under the New Covenant!

4.  “God works in mysterious ways.”  God does not work in mysterious ways.  We have a Bible to teach us how God works.  We need to read it and learn from it and then nothing will be hidden or mysterious to us anymore.  It says in Matthew 13:11-12 (NIV):  11 He replied, The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them.  12 Whoever has will be given more, and he will have abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him”

5.  God’s timing is perfect.  We need to wait on God.”  Please read the following on God’s timing and on Waiting on God.  There is not much more I can say about it except that I think it’s more a matter of God waiting on us than us waiting on Him.  He is waiting for us to claim our inheritance, to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and to stop being victims…

6.  “God gives and takes away.”  If you read Mistake #1 from Common misconceptions from the book of Job: you will see how that statement is completely wrong.  It’s a verse that is often misquoted from the book of Job.  Let me quote from that post:  “God adds and multiplies, Satan subtracts and divides.  God is not a taker, but a giver.”  Let me prove it with some more scriptures:  James 1:17 (NIV):  17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  Psalm 84:11 (NIV):  11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favour and honour; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”

7.  “I/you am/are being punished for something I’ve/you’ve done wrong.”  What could you have done that is so terrible that you have to be punished with infertility?  And why are other people like drug addicts or prostitutes not punished like that?  Because it is not a punishment.  Look at the blind man Jesus healed in John 9:1-3(NIV):  “1 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.    2 His disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?    3 Neither this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.“  Another example:  Luke 1:5-7 (NIV):  5 In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron.    6 Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly.    7 But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well on in years.”  I love this last example – It is so apt – even though they were “upright in the sight of God,” Zechariah and Elizabeth were barren, so it was not due to punishment… 

8.  “They say children are a blessing from God.  Then why am I not being blessed?”  I believe it’s not a matter of not being blessed, but rather a matter of your blessings being stolen from you.  In John 10:10 (NIV) it says:  10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  I’m sure if you looked at the scriptures above about God’s will for us regarding children you will see that children are definitely a blessing from God, unfortunately we don’t always receive those blessings, but we cannot blame that on God!

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I stumbled across these videos on You Tube today – It’s exactly what I’ve been blogging about, but it has some testimonies too!  It’s from New Life Ministries in Australia.  This is their website:   http://www.newlifeministries.com.au/

I would love to hear what you think about it…

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It’s in His hands:

I’ve been thinking about something ever since I’ve been to see my FS on Wednesday. I’ve mentioned before that my FS is not a Christian, or rather let me put it this way: There are two doctors at the clinic I go to. When I talk about my FS it can be either of them. I see them both, depending on who is available. I know the one doctor is not a Christian, because he is of a different religion. What the all the other’s (doctor and staff) religious beliefs are I don’t know…

Anyway – the point I’m trying to make is that both the doctors as well as the genetic specialist have mentioned something that made me think. Not all the comments were made on Wednesday but most were. All of them have told me that after the embryos are transferred it is out of their hands and in God’s hands. Not in those words exactly, the one doctor talks about “it’s up to the Man upstairs”, the other doctor said we “have to pray that we get a healthy baby out of our embryos” and the genetic specialist (she is also one of the embryologists) said that she has seen pregnancies from “vrot” (very bad) looking embryo’s and BFN’s from perfect looking embryos. She told of one patient they had who was already over forty years old and she had two OK looking embryos and two “vrot” embryos and she fell pregnant and had quads! All four of the quads were healthy and normal at birth! (They did not do PGD in this case) She said they just cannot tell which embryos will make healthy babies and which won’t and it’s ultimately in someone else’s hands (and she pointed skywards)… And that’s not the only instance – I even read that another well know doctor on the internet admitted that they can do everything up to a point, but the ultimate result is still in God’s hands.

I look at the different stories that I read about over the internet and I can see that sometimes things are absolutely perfect and there is still no pregnancy or baby (like some of my own cycles), and in other instances there are so many problems and it results against all odds into a healthy pregnancy and baby.

All the stories I read in the Bible of Sarah, and Rebekah, Rachel, Leah, Hannah, Elizabeth you name them – they got their babies when God decided it was time and not one day earlier… Even if meant that they had their babies at impossibly high ages. I keep on thinking that I can do everything possible and the doctors can do everything medically possible and we can still get a BFN or another miscarriage…The final result is out of our hands, and completely in God’s hands. I then thought of an e-mail I received recently and I remembered what His hands looked like – nail scarred hands…

The Hands that made the world and gave the sun and moon their light
are the tiny Hands of a baby born one cold December night…
The Hands that stilled the wind and tamed the fury of the sea
are the calloused Hands of a carpenter who lived in poverty…
The Hands that held the power to break the binding chains of sin
are the gentle Hands that washed the feet of tired and dusty men…
The Hands that cleansed the leper, healed the blind and raised the dead
are the praying Hands of one who cried, “Not My will, but Thine instead…”
The Hands that shaped the universe and flung the stars in space
are the nail-pierced Hands of a dying man who suffered in our place…
The Hands of our Creator, Lord and King of Heaven above,
are the Savior’s Hands, forever reaching out to us with love.
–B. J. Hoff

Isn’t this poem absolutely beautiful?

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What I’m going to say in this post is very hard to say.  I’m being honest here about stuff that I sometimes don’t even want to admit to myself, let alone all of you reading this, but I feel I need to get it out there so that you can get a better picture of who I am and what we have been through and what we are still going through.

This past weekend was bad.  I was in a really foul mood, I snapped at poor DH a lot, but he was not the only victim and I’m ashamed of myself…  I thought the first few weeks after the miscarriage would be the worst, but I haven’t come through it yet like I thought I would.  I think I was in shock, and that reality is only now sinking in…

These last few days I haven’t felt like eating, or seeing anyone, or doing anything, except maybe sleeping.  I know I’m getting depressed again.  I’m also worrying about a lot of things, but mainly about finances.  Can we afford another IVF, and how long should we try, or should we maybe just give up altogether?  So far I’ve avoided talking about finances as I thought it would not be appropriate, but it’s becoming an issue now and I would not be truthful if I did not discuss it.

Throughout our married life we have never been well off – both DH and I do not have any experience that ensure a job that will pay a comfortable salary, and since DH was let go from the Police for post traumatic stress disorder it’s been even tougher. (That’s the reason we are not even considering adoption – who would give a baby to someone that suffered from post traumatic stress disorder?)  My poor DH has tried his best to provide financially for us, but he just cannot get a job – any job. (Mostly due to lack of qualifications, but also due to employment equity)  The only qualification he has that is worth anything is one he got 12 years ago for being a SAP consultant, but nobody has ever wanted to give him a job in that field so he has no experience – and what are the chances after 12 years?  Even though nobody wants to employ him he has tried his best to provide for us by being self employed – he is on to his 3rd business by now, but it’s going slow (due to the current economic climate).  I worked at a major SA bank for 14 years and it was almost always very stressful with very long working hours, for a relatively small salary.    So three years ago DH and I decided that I can quit so that we can try in earnest to get pregnant.  It had to be done like that as I would never have been able to get time off for FS appointments.  Definitely not for more than one month in a row, and the biological clock was ticking. (Here’s perfect proof that relaxing does not help to get you pregnant!)

The only reason this was even remotely possible was due to the fact that we sold our farm for quite a bit of profit.  We didn’t buy another property and have since been renting.  So we have been using those profits to fund our fertility treatments and have also been living of it.  Unfortunately it’s not a bottomless pit, and even though we have been living frugally, it has diminished considerably.  Yes, I know, not the wisest decision we’ve ever made, but we did not anticipate the credit crunch and we had faith that DH’s business would have taken off by now. 

We have made so many sacrifices to try and get pregnant – we don’t drive any fancy cars, and have never done so since we got married.  We have not spent a lot on furniture (we are still borrowing a couch from my parents and have never bought one since we got married, and it seems we won’t be able to do so for quite some time yet), we only buy clothes whenever necessary and then on sale or at the cheapest shops, we don’t go out often and we just buy the necessities when we buy groceries.   The only thing we have splurged on was a vacation to Mauritius two years ago, but if you take into account that we went camping on our honeymoon, I think we deserved it (we also got it on a special deal with a lot of discount!)  Even our wedding was a low budget affair – where we paid for almost everything as our parents could not really contribute. 

So it seemed to me that we just cannot get a break:  Most of our married life I was terribly unhappy in my job and DH has been screwed over by our lovely government as his case still hasn’t been settled by the compensation commissioner and it does not look like it ever will be (so we cannot even rely on a small pension). When we tried to make a better future for ourselves we spent R40 000 twelve years ago on his SAP qualification (it costs more than R200 000 now) but nobody wanted to take him seriously because he was a policeman or take a chance on hiring him (No one has much respect for policemen here in SA, even though they have the worst jobs ever: they put their lives on the line, they have to watch their buddies getting killed in action, they have to work in terrible circumstances and get to deal with corpses daily in cases of murders, suicide, and even digging dead babies out of trashcans) My DH has even offered to work for free as a SAP consultant for 3 months just to get some experience, but even that was not accepted… It feels like the only good things that have happened was that we met each other and got married and that we bought 2 properties for very low prices and managed to improve those and sell them off at a decent profit.  But since I quit my job, we cannot show a reliable income so we cannot buy another… 

You all know our TTC history by now, so you know that we have not had much success there either…  It made me despondent and it feels like we are taking a huge gamble by doing another IVF.  The success rates are rather low for the amount you are spending on it – If it was for something else we would not be so keen to pay any money towards it, especially if you take all the past failures into account.  I’m tempted to think that the next IVF will result in another pregnancy, but I’ve read too many true life stories to know that it doesn’t always happen like that… And I’ve learnt the hard way that a pregnancy does not guarantee a baby…

Sometimes it all just gets too much to handle, and then I just feel like giving up, that there is not much point in my life and that’s it’s not worth living… The only reason I have not given up hope completely is because of my dearest, darling husband.  I love him so much – he is such a loving, caring, patient person who tries his best to look after us and provide for us, in spite of all the adversities, and then he puts up with all my crap as well.  So yesterday afternoon I decided that I had to do something about my mood.  I spent the whole afternoon in Bible study, looking for comforting pieces to read on the internet and later just praying…  I did find some comfort, but I could just not settle down.

I feel so guilty, because I know that although I think we have it tough it is still nothing compared to other people’s struggles.  At least we have our health, food to eat, clothes to wear, a roof over our heads and the support of our families.  I’m still very fortunate to have been able to go for fertility treatments and for so many of them as well… If I close my eyes I see all the hungry people queuing for food at the feeding scheme I volunteer at, and how cold they are now in the winter time.  A lot of them are also homeless and they carry all that they own everywhere with them, and that is not much…

This morning during my Bible study I finally got comfort in the following scripture:  2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV):  16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

I forget very often what it is all about – it’s not about our lives here on earth and how much money we have or how many kids we get, but it’s about our salvation and where we will be spending eternity.  I often take my eyes of the big picture and think only of the smaller picture.  I get selfish and I want to satisfy my own desires and think of nothing else, and when I don’t get my way I wallow in self pity.  I’m not proud of that, but I’m glad that I finally feel a bit better and I cannot wait to meet my darling babies in heaven…

Ps.  Read this if you have lost a baby and are not sure whether your baby is in heaven.

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We are back!

We came back yesterday late afternoon from our holiday.  We were only gone for 6 days – but it was long enough.  I must say it’s a lot warmer at the coast – we noticed it immediately last Saturday when we stopped there, and again last night here at home. We had a pleasant time with my sister and her daughters (MC & TM); those two little girls can keep three adults rather busy!  We went to the beach a few times, the kids swam once, but the water was too cold for me!  We drove around a bit – twice to Durban, because MC & TM got to stay at their granny for 2 days and one night.  They were spoiled rotten with lots of clothes and even some Barbie dolls!  Other than that I didn’t do much – I slept a lot, even some afternoons, so I hope it helped me to relax a bit.

One thing that I realised recently was that I’ve been totally stressed out.  The first clue was the stomach cramps I got a few days after the evacuation D & C.  Then about a week later I got this terrible headache that did not want to go away.  The last clue was a pain in my left shoulder and arm.  I was so stressed out I had IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), a tension headache and muscle spasms in my neck and back which caused the headache, shoulder pain and the pain in my arm.  So although I was incredibly healthy during my pregnancy and I never needed to take any other medication than those that were prescribed by my FS, since my D & C I’ve been taking a lot of medication:  Anti-spasmodic pills, anti-inflammatory pills, pain medication, sinus pills and rescue to try and relax me (that is over and above the supplements that I’m taking for a possible future pregnancy).

I thought I was coping after the miscarriage, and I guess I am to an extent, but maybe not as well as I thought… I’m wondering if anyone can recommend a good Christian book about miscarriages, or miscarriage after infertility.  I really need to get some help in some way to cope with this loss, because I have this suspicion that I’m bottling things up.  I also think that I’m not the only one – I’m sure DH is doing exactly the same… The thing is other people really don’t want to talk about it, (nobody in our immediate family has gone through any infertility and/or miscarriages so they don’t know what to say, and so they don’t say anything at all).  I also don’t want to sound like I just want to talk about me all the time.  My friend R has been there for me, and she is the only one that can really relate, but she also has her own problems with her dad’s prostate cancer…

I’m talking about people I’m in personal contact with daily – I must say I have received a lot of support from my cyber buddies and I’m incredibly thankful for that!  I know you understand and some of you have sent me wonderful messages to help me cope. Thank you all!  I don’t know where I would have been if it wasn’t for you…

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My previous post was about doubts and fears and I described how I asked God to give me a message to help me with it.  He immediately gave me a message and I was so thankful.  It helped me a lot and I was actually satisfied with the answer.  I didn’t expect to get another message about it yesterday in church.

Our minister asked us if we have been waiting for promises from God to come true, and whether we sometimes doubt that it will ever come true.   He preached from Genesis 15: 1-12 & 17-21  (NIV): God’s Covenant With Abram:   1 After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:   Do not be afraid, Abram.   I am your shield,   your very great reward. 2 But Abram said, O Sovereign LORD, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus? 3 And Abram said, You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.    4 Then the word of the LORD came to him: This man will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir.    5 He took him outside and said, Look up at the heavens and count the stars— if indeed you can count them. Then he said to him, So shall your offspring be.     6 Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.    7 He also said to him, I am the LORD, who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans to give you this land to take possession of it.     8 But Abram said, O Sovereign LORD, how can I know that I shall gain possession of it?

9 So the LORD said to him, Bring me a heifer, a goat and a ram, each three years old, along with a dove and a young pigeon.    10 Abram brought all these to him, cut them in two and arranged the halves opposite each other; the birds, however, he did not cut in half.    11 Then birds of prey came down on the carcasses, but Abram drove them away.    12 As the sun was setting, Abram fell into a deep sleep, and a thick and dreadful darkness came over him.

17 When the sun had set and darkness had fallen, a smoking brazier with a blazing torch appeared and passed between the pieces.    18 On that day the LORD made a covenant with Abram and said, To your descendants I give this land, from the river of Egypt to the great river, the Euphrates—    19 the land of the Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites,    20 Hittites, Perizzites, Rephaites,    21 Amorites, Canaanites, Girgashites and Jebusites.”

Our minister said that Abraham was promised a heir and land three times before this specific time and here God promises it again for a fourth time.  Yet only 2 verses further Abraham doubts the Lord again.  God then went on to make a covenant with Abraham, so that Abraham can believe that it will come true.

In the times that Abraham lived, a covenant was made between individuals just like it is described in the above verses.  Animals were cut in half and the 2 halves were put down with a gap in between.  The lesser (sometimes the youngest) of the two parties would then walk through that gap and a covenant would be in place.  If that person could not keep to the covenant then he would be willing to be cut in half just like the animal was.  So a covenant was a serious binding contract in those days.  Here God (who is definitely not the lesser party) is willing to make the covenant with Abraham by passing through the animals in the form of a smoking brazier with a blazing torch.

Galatians 3:  6-9 (NIV): 6 Consider Abraham: He believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.    7 Understand, then, that those who believe are children of Abraham.   8 The Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: All nations will be blessed through you.    9 So those who have faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.” Paul says here that everybody that believes in God is a child of Abraham, and because we believe we will be blessed just like Abraham.

Now I must say I’ve never heard a specific promise from God that we will have children.  Or that was my initial thought.  But then I started to think back to the difficult time after our first failed IVF.  In that time I realized that I can do everything possible from my side, and the doctors can do everything medically possible, but if God doesn’t want us to have children he will not put that heartbeat in the embryo, so that it can become a baby.  So I asked God to send me to a doctor if or when He thinks I need to continue with treatments again.  I asked Him to do it in such a way so that it doesn’t come from any idea from me.  I believed that if it was His will I could get pregnant on my own.  I believe miracles like that can still happen today!

About 18 months after my failed IVF I was sure I had a UTI one month.  I went to see my GP about it, and she tested my urine and there was nothing wrong with my urine – so no UTI, but I was in quite a lot of pain and discomfort.  My GP was convinced it was due to my endometriosis, and referred me to a FS again.  I went back to the FS that did my first IVF and he said that he was sure I do not have endometriosis, and that he thought I had IBS.  The only thing he could find was a polyp in my uterus.  I was not happy with his diagnosis and I decided I needed another opinion.  That is how I ended up with my current clinic.  The new FS did a laparoscopy and found stage 2 endometriosis and removed a polyp.  I started with my treatments in earnest again.  We have done a laparoscopy, 2 hysteroscopy’s, 3 IUI’s, 2 fresh IVF’s and one FET to date so far in less than a year, all because I believe God sent me back to go for treatments.

I really wanted to give up all treatments after my failed FET.  DH and I actually decided that that would be the last.  But I got some more hope – the FS said that he truly believes that I should be able to get pregnant; it’s just a matter of time.  He told me about a patient of his that only got her baby after 9 IVF’s.  He told me that when he worked in Denmark that they gave packages for 6 IVF’s and that the reason they did it like that was because almost all IVF patients got pregnant by the time they did IVF #6.  He gave me mostly just good news regarding my body and our embryos.  I had also sent a prayer request to Joyce Meyer Ministries as we are partners with them, and they had a dedicated prayer day for their partners on that specific day that we went to see our FS.  I saw the good news as an answer to our prayer request.  So we decided to try again, even though I was scared and felt like giving up so many times during the last few months.

A few weeks ago I got the book “Super.natural Child.birth” and then I learnt that infertility is not God’s will.  Children are his idea and He said to Adam and Eve: “be fruitful and multiply” Gen 1:28.  I saw there were many scriptures saying that children are a blessing from God and that God wants to bless His children.  It is not His will for his children to be barren or even to have miscarriages.

And finally I got this message yesterday.  Do you think it was a coincidence?  I do not think so – even the fact that the message had to do with God’s promise to Abraham that he will get a son, even if it seemed impossible, is important to me.  I realized God speaks to us in different ways – sometimes it will be through something you read in the Bible, sometimes it will be through messages received from preachers, and sometimes in your heart.  I used to think that He needed to speak to me directly in my heart, because I got a message like that regarding a friend’s pregnancy.   I was praying for her and her husband one day, as they had 2 miscarriages already and I heard a distinct voice in my heart saying:  “Do not worry about them anymore – she is already pregnant and this time she will not miscarry”.  About 5 – 6 weeks later she told me she was 9 weeks pregnant.  Her little is girl is 8 months old now.  She said that God must have spoken to me before she even knew she was pregnant.  So I was always hoping that God would give me a message like that about my own pregnancy, but I haven’t had anything like that so far.  Now I think that I was not listening, I was looking for my message in the wrong place…  I’m taking it as a good sign that I got so many positive messages in the last few weeks.

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