I’ve wanted to blog about this topic for a while now and just when I got ready to sit down and write the post things changed and I felt that I cannot write about it, because what do I know after all? Well, things have changed again, for the worse, and then I got some awesome messages to confirm what I wanted to write about originally, so maybe, maybe it is the right time and circumstances to write about this.
In January I was at my wits end. The festive season had just ended and G-force was totally out of his routine. It was so hard to try to stick to any kind of routine when one is constantly either busy entertaining or invited to visit someone else. When we have visitors or when we visit other people G-force generally does not want to nap in the afternoon, and try as we might, he will fight and fight until we eventually give up. Often he also does not want to go to sleep when it’s his regular bed time. Being out of routine also resulted in him not sleeping well during the night and many nights he would wake me up 2-4 times, often starting as early as 22h00 or 23h00.
By the middle of January I was completely exhausted and felt like I was going to have a breakdown. Well one night when he was once again struggling to sleep and it was 21h30 or so already I just started crying and said to the Lord: “Lord, I just cannot do this anymore! I am soooo tired! I need sleep, and I need to sleep right through the night! Lord, I give up. I have tried everything and nothing works! I don’t know what else to do. I just cannot do this anymore; I now give this over to you Lord, because I have no idea what to do…”
Eventually G-force went to sleep and I stumbled to bed and fell asleep immediately. Much to my surprise DH woke me up the next morning at 6h30 to get G-force ready for school. For the first time in what felt like forever I had slept straight from about 22h00 to 6h30. Immediately I thanked and praised the Lord because I knew it was only due to His grace. This was not a once off occurrence either. From that night G-force’s sleeping habits changed from waking many times a night most nights and only occasionally sleeping through the night to sleeping through most of the time and only waking up once and then only occasionally.
That was until the somewhere in the beginning of April. Slowly but surely he would start to wake around 4 or 5 in the morning and then often he would wake up anytime from about midnight to 2 also. Once again the nights where he slept through were few and far in between. I was at a loss. What to do, because last time we really did not do anything! How to fix this problem? I asked the Lord to help again, because let’s face it, it was thanks to His doing that things got better.
There was absolutely no explanation why G-force was waking up in the night again. We thought that he might be cold, because it was getting colder, but warming his room did not help. Eventually a week ago I finally figured it out.
G-force told me that there is something in his mouth that is hurting it. Sometimes when he has something stuck between his teeth he will come to me and ask me to remove it by flossing his teeth. He wanted me to do that again, but he was pointing to the back of his mouth where his one molar is. So I washed my hand and stuck my finger in there to pinpoint where the problem is as I couldn’t see anything and what do you know? I felt a new molar peeking through. Poor little guy, I barely touched it but he howled in pain. So now we know what is the most probable cause for the poor sleeping. But you know what? We’ve been giving him teething meds on and off already since that was one of the suspects already. We then started to give it to him regularly and even adding another kind, and it still did not work. In desperation I bought a Baltic amber teething necklace last week and he’s been wearing it since Thursday. So far no improvement yet…
Last night he woke up at 22h00, 1h30, 4h00 and about 5h30. Lately I’m also having trouble getting back to sleep once G-force wakes me, fortunately this morning it was at 5h30 and not one of the other times in the middle of the night… I cannot explain to anyone how tired I am. I’ve been feeling like a zombie for about a month already. DH tries to help, but G-force wants nothing to do with him in the middle of the night. He only wants me and he wants to nurse. He refuses everything else.
In January already, after the incident I described, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the following scriptures:
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (AMP):
“7 And to keep me from being puffed up and too much elated by the exceeding greatness (pre-eminence) of these revelations, there was given me a thorn (a splinter) in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to rack and buffet and harass me, to keep me from being excessively exalted. 8 Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me; 9 But He said to me, My grace (My favour and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! 10 So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).”
For the first time I really realized what Paul meant when he said; “for when I’m weak, then I am strong…” When we are weak and know it and rely on Jesus, not on our own efforts – that is when we are strong, not with our own strength, but the strength that we receive through God’s grace.
I knew all this yet it once again took quite some time to admit that I am weak, and that I need God’s grace to make me strong again…Last week I came to that point again, and I’m still there. Thankfully Abba, Father God is so merciful, and one morning I switched on the TV to watch a program on TBN, and God gave me three awesome programs to watch, the one straight after the other. The first one I watched was Cref.lo Dol.lar, the second one Joy.ce Mey.er and then the best one, Jo.seph Prin.ce.
I specifically want to mention the program of Jo.seph Prin.ce; it’s called: “Great Grace for your greatest weakness – Sermon # 352”. I can highly recommend that every single person reading this gets hold of this sermon and listen to it as many times as possible. He mentions Abraham and Sarah, Manoah and his wife and Zachariah and Elizabeth, and them being barren for so many years, and how in their weakest moments they were able to have a child, but not any child, these children had supernatural favour upon them. He also speaks specifically to people who have lost a child/baby or who have been barren and prophesies how we will birth champions, just like these people in the Bible did.
I was so grateful for this message – I’m sure God was speaking directly to me – as if he inspired Jo.seph Prin.ce to preach this message for me, but I know it’s not only for me, all of you who are reading this blog will also probably feel the same ;) !
It’s not just the fact that I’m so tired that makes me feel so weak. I’ve felt weak too about conceiving our second child, and I’ve actually also gave that matter all over to the Lord a few weeks ago, as well as other areas in our lives, like our finances, my business and even raising G-force…
I cannot wait to see manifestation of God’s super abounding Grace in these areas!
(I thought I’ve blogged about Paul’s thorn in the flesh before, but it seems that I haven’t. Many people think that Paul’s thorn in the flesh is some kind of sickness caused by God to make him weak – that is not the case. Paul’s thorn was not God’s doing, and if you want to learn more about what it is then please read this message of An.drew Wom.mack)