Miracle anniversary:

Exactly 2 years ago we received our miracle. I cannot tell you how it felt when I saw that very feint second line on the pregnancy test. I tested 4 days early and there it was – the positive we’ve been dreaming of for 11.5 years! I remember the very first thing that went through my mind was, Thank you Lord! Then I burst out in tears of gratitude. Then I felt shivers go up and down my spine because I realized this is it! This is the moment where we receive what we have been hoping, praying and believing for. One of the best days of my life, let me tell you – the first day I knew we received our miracle…

Even now I am still in awe of God’s grace and how good He is to us. How much He has blessed us and especially how much He has blessed baby G.

God is so good! Hallelujah! Thank you Lord! All the praise and all the glory must all go to our almighty Lord!

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2 Testimonies I haven’t shared with you yet:

After my last post I got this feeling that I need to share these testimonies with you.  It is not about healing, but rather about money and up to now I did not feel comfortable sharing it, but I think God wants me to share it now.

Before I write about the testimonies I want to share, I want you to read this post about An.drew Wom.mack’s teaching of Daniel.  In this teaching AW used an example of someone who wanted to sell his house for I think it was over 2 years, but just could not get it sold.  After hearing this principle and praying differently his house sold a few days later.

This teaching helped me to receive in the following instances:

My DH was a policeman many years ago.  In the beginning of the year 2000 he went off work due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and not long after that he was boarded by a psychiatrist and by the end of the year his service at the Police department was terminated.  The case with the compensation commissioner was still pending early last year and we were at our wits end on how to get it finalised.  More than 10 years later and the compensation commissioner did not want to accept 5 different psychiatrists’ reports nor the fact that the police also accepted the diagnosis.

So based on that teaching I started to pray differently – Instead of asking God to help us that the case can be finalised I asked him to remove all obstacles that are standing in the way of this case being finalised.  I asked God to fight this battle in the spiritual realm and remove all the devil’s onslaughts against DH’s case.

I cannot remember the exact timeframe, but it was a matter of weeks and DH got a letter in the mail stating that they finally accepted the diagnosis and that DH just needed to sign some documents and then they will proceed to pay DH what he was owed, and back pay it for 10 years.  Wow!  We could not believe it!  It took another few weeks after DH signed and he finally got what was owed to him.

Now if you wonder if it is normal for cases to take this long – no its not.  There was someone else that DH knew whose case was just 2 months ahead of DH’s and that guy’s case was finalised within 1 year.

Later in the year we found out that one of DH policies has a premium waiver on that should have started when DH was boarded, but we never knew about that and so we only applied for that about  a year ago.   The premium waiver was approved but we had paid premiums for 10 years that we were not supposed to.  So we asked that they pay us our premiums for the last 10 years back and the company politely refused, so we send them an e-mail complaining about that.  So once again I prayed that all the obstacles be removed in the spiritual realm and we actually just forgot about it, because I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and we had just so many other things on our mind.

When I was in hospital after baby G’s birth, a guy phoned DH out of the blue and it was an employee of the company where we have the policy.  He told DH that they had a look at his claim and they decided to pay him back all his premiums since 2004.  So it was not all, but most of it and we got the payment in the New Year.  Who would have thought that someone would work on something like this in the time between Christmas and New Year, but this guy did!

It was also at a very convenient time as DH works on a contract basis and he did not work for the whole of December and 2.5 weeks in January, and as such did not receive an income for that time.  So it worked out perfectly for us – DH was with me for the last bit of my pregnancy and for the first 3 weeks after baby G was born, but we still got money to live off, which we did not expect to get.

Let me tell you all – it is absolutely wonderful to have your prayers answered by the Lord.  God has been so good and faithful to us, not only in the instances I mentioned above, but also in many other ways.  All it took from me was to get to Know Him better.  In the time before I surrendered completely to the Lord I always thought that He would expect things from me that would be difficult to give up, or that I would never be able to meet His expectations, but I was so wrong!  God has JUST been good to us, and blessed us abundantly, and today I cannot believe how hesitant I was, and all vain!

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We have so much to be grateful for:

Even before I got pregnant I knew that we have a lot to be grateful for, but since getting pregnant I am just so much more aware of all the things I’m grateful for, and I’m not lying to you, but my prayer life has changed to mostly praising God and thanking Him for all the blessings we receive from Him.

Every single day I thank God for our pregnancy and our baby. I cannot tell you how much I love being pregnant, and to feel our little boy kick, how much I love him already and how much I’m looking forward to meeting him. Last week at the water birth class there was one lady that said she absolutely hates being pregnant and she is so glad it’s almost over. I can honestly say that I don’t have that problem at all; as a matter of fact it is difficult for me to understand it, because it’s been such a wonderful time for me. I am so grateful that I’m not in her shoes…

Yes, I’ve had most of the symptoms and sometimes I didn’t feel well, or sometimes I have pain, but it doesn’t affect my joy. I still remember the constant nausea and fatigue of the first trimester, and I remember I wasn’t able to do much during that time, but I would willingly do it again and again, just for the joy of being pregnant. I know I’m going to miss being pregnant once our baby is born, but we will definitely try again!

I am also so grateful for the wonderful husband that I have. He is so attentive, and loving and interested in what’s going on in my body and with our baby, and he just loves to have his hands on my baby bump to feel our darling little boy move and kick.

I just know he will be an awesome, wonderful dad. A lot of the time I think he will be a better dad than I could even dream to be a mom. He just loves our nieces and nephews and he takes time to play with them every time we see them, and they absolutely adore him! I just cannot imagine how he will be with our boy – if he is so good with children that isn’t his, how wouldn’t he be with his own! I know he will not be a distant dad, or someone who’s job is more important than his kids, or more interested in his social life than his kids, I know he will make our little one the most important part of his life.

Then most importantly I am so grateful to God, for being there and helping me, guiding me, comforting me and blessing us so richly! We have had some really incredibly difficult years behind us and only when I turned to God, did it feel like I was able to cope, to overcome, to get hope and finally to have our dreams realized. And even now He is still there giving me strength, health and joy, even though we are still going through a difficult time.

The other day I realized that this has been the best and simultaneously the worst year ever. The best because I got pregnant with a healthy baby and we will give birth to him, but the worst because I had to lose my mom. But thanks to our Almighty Lord He is giving me strength and He is helping me to not just concentrate on the sadness, but still experience and enjoy all the wonderful stages of this pregnancy.

I am also incredibly grateful of how much I’ve grown spiritually, and that my idea, or concept of being a child of God, a Christian has changed. I see God so very different than even a year ago, I know Him so much better – I know He loves me unconditionally, that even if I disappoint Him, His love for me won’t change, and that He doesn’t want to punish me for every wrong thing I do – it’s not necessary anymore because the punishment has already been borne by Jesus. I have no more guilt and condemnation hanging over me, making me feel less of a Christian, or a bad person, because I’ve been made righteous by Jesus, and yes, I know I don’t deserve it, but it’s already been done, so I can just as well accept it! God wants me to receive it! And the same goes for everything else that’s been covered by the atonement. Like health and healing, deliverance from evil and prosperity.

The way I feel from day to day has changed – from being sad, and feeling lonely and that nobody understand my pain, to being happy, and joyous and expecting just good things to happen from now on. I cannot tell you what a burden has been lifted from me. God has changed me so much and I am so grateful! When I think of all these blessings, I just feel like bursting out in tears of happiness (and I often do)…

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10 Weeks:

Thursday I was 10 weeks and I suddenly realized that meant 25% through my pregnancy.  Wow!  That was a bit of a shock…  But a good, happy shock if you know what I mean.

It seems like my symptoms are getting a bit better – I’m not nauseous every day anymore and I think I’m managing things quite well, by eating regularly and avoiding things like standing too long.  But that said, I still felt pretty horrible on Monday, I was nauseous from the moment I got up in the morning until I went to bed that night and Wednesday I was very dizzy quite a few times during the day.  Also on Wednesday night I suddenly felt like I was getting sick with flu, or a cold or sinusitis or something, but as I know God does not want us to be sick I decided to fight this bug.  I really don’t want that at this stage of my pregnancy.

Thursday I was a bit under the weather but I must say I’ve been feeling much better since Friday.  I went for a facial and a neck massage Thursday (Thanks Sis!  She treated me!)  and I think the steam that they blow on your face helped my sinuses a lot – I could feel them opening up while the steam was blowing…

I’m still tired but I’ve noticed that by 17h00 or 18h00 if I haven’t had a nap that I have some more energy and that I can actually make it to 21h00 or 22h00 before I have to go to bed.  Mostly if I do take a nap, which is only about 3-4 times a week I take it from about 16h30 until 18h00.  Those days DH has to cook dinner, but he is so awesome, he does not complain at all!

I have an appointment at the foetal assessment centre on 8 June for a Foetal assessment scan, and from what I’ve read this scan is amazing.  Some say the best scan during your pregnancy so I’m looking forward to that.  I still feel a little lost as I haven’t decided on an obgyn or a midwife yet.  I have had second thoughts about the obgyn I initially made an appointment with.  I moved that appointment as it was for 10 June and I can’t see the point of going for scans 2 days apart, but I’m thinking of cancelling altogether.  This doctor came highly recommended to me by 2 of my cousins, but she is so expensive!  I know my medical aid will pay some towards the fees, but I think it’s more an issue of principle at this stage as she charges half as much more than what my FS charges and he is a specialist!

So I am looking at other options and one of them is getting a midwife.  I really would like to have a natural birth.  My mom had c-sections with both my sister and I and my sister also had 2 c-sections, but I’m not going to worry about whether I would also need a c-section as I know God’s perfect plan and design is for us to give natural birth and I believe that He has created me perfectly and healed me completely so I’m believing all will go well.

Here in South Africa the standard practice with most obgyn’s is to advise their patients to have c-sections, and very rarely these days the women who go to obgyn’s get to give birth naturally.  There are really only a few ladies I know in real life that has given birth naturally in the past 10 years or so.  My sister lived in the UK for a couple of years and there they rarely give birth via c-section, only when there are complications, and my sister was one of those rare cases with the birth of her first daughter.  So she has been very vocal about all the c-sections being done here in South Africa and I guess that laid the foundation for me to not want one.  Then I read Super.natural Child.birth and I learned what God wants for us, and easy natural pregnancies are achievable when you believe in it.  Lastly a dear friend (K from New Zealand, Hi K!) told me about a documentary called The Busi.ness of Be.ing Bo.rn on You Tube and after watching that I was totally convinced that natural birth is best.

I am getting a bit more excited about this pregnancy as I have officially past the stage where I had my miscarriage and since our little nunu was so big and strong with our last scan there is more hope that this will end up to be a successful pregnancy.  Not that I worried much about it, I tried to not think about bad thoughts on purpose, but I guess once you’ve had a miscarriage there will  always be some little nagging thoughts that come up every now and then…

This morning after I woke up, but while I was still lying in bed I thought back to the time we started ttc right through to this pregnancy and I was once again struck with wonder, awe and total gratefulness towards God for giving us this miracle.  It is really mind blowing to think that after trying for 11.5 years, after lots of operations, 8 IUI’s, 3 fresh IVF’s and 1 FET, having  endometriosis, adenomyosis and uterine problems like polyps and dealing with 48% generically abnormal sperm that I could get pregnant naturally at the age of 40.  And the most amazing part for me was that it took 7 months of learning about God and actively believing for that miracle for it to manifest into reality.  All the time in those 7 months it felt like a long time, but now when I look back I’m actually amazed at how short a time that was…

All I can say is God is so good, He is so faithful, and He is so amazing!  Nothing is impossible for Him!

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The Battle is the Lord’s:

I heard another awsome message yesterday that I want to share with you.  This message is from Angus Buchan and just confirms some things that I have heard lately, and which I’m trying to apply to my life. 

2 Chronicles 20:15-30 (NIV):  “¹⁵ He said: Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.  ¹⁶ Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel.  ¹⁷ You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.’  ¹⁸ Jehoshaphat bowed with his face to the ground, and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the LORD.  ¹⁹ Then some Levites from the Kohathites and Korahites stood up and praised the LORD, the God of Israel, with a very loud voice.  ²⁰ Early in the morning they left for the Desert of Tekoa. As they set out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the LORD your God and you will be upheld; have faith in his prophets and you will be successful.  ²¹ After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the LORD and to praise him for the splendour of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying:  Give thanks to the LORD, for his love endures forever.

 ²²As they began to sing and praise, the LORD set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated.  ²³ The men of Ammon and Moab rose up against the men from Mount Seir to destroy and annihilate them. After they finished slaughtering the men from Seir, they helped to destroy one another.  ²⁴ When the men of Judah came to the place that overlooks the desert and looked towards the vast army, they saw only dead bodies lying on the ground; no-one had escaped.  ²⁵ So Jehoshaphat and his men went to carry off their plunder, and they found among them a great amount of equipment and clothing and also articles of value— more than they could take away. There was so much plunder that it took three days to collect it.  ²⁶ On the fourth day they assembled in the Valley of Beracah, where they praised the LORD. This is why it is called the Valley of Beracah to this day.  ²⁷ Then, led by Jehoshaphat, all the men of Judah and Jerusalem returned joyfully to Jerusalem, for the LORD had given them cause to rejoice over their enemies.  ²⁸ They entered Jerusalem and went to the temple of the LORD with harps and lutes and trumpets.  ²⁹ The fear of God came upon all the kingdoms of the countries when they heard how the LORD had fought against the enemies of Israel.  ³⁰ And the kingdom of Jehoshaphat was at peace, for his God had given him rest on every side.”

“The prophet came to King Jehoshaphat and said:  “The Lord is with you”.  So is the Lord with you or are you trying to make your own plan?  It happens to all of us, as soon as we are in a tight spot we try to make a plan for ourselves, but those plans don’t always work!  God said to King Jehoshaphat, and the same is applicable to us, that He will fight the battle for us and that He will win!  So the message here is that if we are in an impossible situation that we should surrender to God, trust Him, do not fight and see what God will do for you! 

So often we become impatient if God does not answer our prayers immediately, so we want to make our own plans.  But don’t do that! 

Psalm 46:10 (NIV):  “¹⁰ Be still, and know that I am God…”

Hebrews 13:5 (NIV):  “…because God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Mark 11:24 (NIV):  “²⁴ Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

The battle is not ours to fight, it is the Lord’s as long as we are in his divine covering and anointing.  You can’t ask God to help you if you are not willing to walk in His precepts and commandments…

Because King Jehoshaphat was a man of great faith, he bowed down in prayer and worshipped God.  This battle was impossible to win – the enemy was too great.  Now that might sound ridiculous to some people to pray and worship in such dire circumstances, but King Jehoshaphat knew what God wanted him to do.

Sometimes we might also be in an impossible situation, and we should do the same in those situations.  We must get on our knees and ask God for help, we should acknowledge that we cannot do anything in the circumstances and just worship God.  We might not be able to do anything about it, but Jesus can!

Matthew 7:7 (NIV):  “⁷ Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV):  “³ Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Allow God to fight the battle for you and let me tell you something, you will see a victory like you’ve never seen in your life before!  But it takes a lot of courage not to get involved.  It is so much harder to wait, than to try and fix things yourself.  I (Angus Buchan) think it was Oswald Chambers that said:  “It takes faith to live from day to day.  It doesn’t take faith for the climaxes, because adrenalin does that for you.  It doesn’t take faith in the low times, because you are on your knees anyway, but it takes faith to live one day at a time.”  That is so true!

How about another example:  When God delivered the Israelites from Egypt, Moses said to them:

Exodus 14:13-14 (NIV):  “¹³ Moses answered the people:  Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  ¹⁴ The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

From that moment until today Egypt has not been a threat to Israel ever again.  My friends please know that there is no enemy that is too big for God.  No enemy!  I pray that the Lord Jesus Christ takes over today – stand back, start to praise Him, not for your problems, but for your victory that is coming – He can and will do it for you!”

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Great news!

My mom went to see her Oncologist again yesterday and she got some great news.  All her blood tests were prefect!   They tested her blood platelets, white blood cells count and tumour markers.  The tumour markers were definitely negative!  The doctor wants to do a PET scan sometime soon, and if that is PET negative then my mom is out of the woods!  We are so relieved and happy, and I’m not one bit worried about the PET scan.  I believe my mom is completely healed from her cancer.  Thank You, God!  You are so great!

In other news Shumi is also doing very well – all that bleeding that he had when we got back from holiday has stopped again and he really seems well, healthy and very happy. 

KT is also doing great – she is so big already.  She is a very independent dog, not dependent on attention from us at all.  She is also just like Shumi a very social dog – with humans and other dogs.  She visits a lot of our neighbours regularly and it seems she has a routine during the mornings and afternoons.  Everyone thinks she comes to visit them specially, but the other day when we had a party in our complex, about 4 people came to tell me separately that she visits them at specific times every day.  She visits all the dog lovers, one after the other, and then she might visit a few of her dog friends and she even likes to go play with the little boy living behind us.  If I must guess I would say the little boy is about 18-24 months old and they just love to play together.  Well, she runs around acting funny and he laughs at her.  

Two of our neighbours seem to think she is the “smartest dog on earth” – their words not mine.  Apparently they can give her a command and she immediately listens and reacts to it.  She doesn’t seem to do that here with us!  For instance they would tell her:  “Go sit outside and then I will bring you something to eat,” and she would immediately walk outside to just outside the doorway, and then sit patiently waiting for the food to come.  We just tell her “sit”.  She has also devised a way to open the gate of one of our neighbours.  Apparently she jumps up against the gate 3 times and then the latch opens.  And recently we found out that she can also jump over some of the lower walls, right into the other people’s gardens.  That is one thing we are not impressed with.  KT is our 5^th boxer and the 1^st one to jump.  At the moment it is not so bad, but should we move it might prove to be difficult to keep her inside our yard. 

KT has a new little friend – a Patterdale Terrier puppy called Tess.  Little Tess is now about 3 months old and they play together a lot.  Tess even comes to visit us here in our house.  Shumi also likes her a lot, but to be honest he doesn’t get much chance to play with her, KT just takes over most of the time… 

Here is a video of KT and Tess playing together:

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How do I keep my faith?

Theresa asked in a comment that I should write a post about how I keep my faith.  I am more than happy to comply with that request as I also very often have questions about similar issues and it’s not always possible to ask other people those kinds of questions.   So I know the frustration of wanting to know something and not necessary getting your questions answered.  So I will try my best to answer it as honestly, openly and accurately as possible.

Let me first say this:  I don’t have any special kind of faith.  My faith is based on knowledge and relationship: knowing God, who He is and what He wants and can do for us.  Once you learn about God, His love for us, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and what it all means it gets easier to have faith and to trust in God.  So in times when I waiver I look for comfort and help in God’s Word.   I pray to God to help me and to show me the way.  Sometimes I get answers quickly and easily.  Sometimes I need to look for it for a few days.  Sometimes I get an answer before I really know I need it.  Like this past Sunday in church – the minister spoke about patience and when I heard the message I realised I really needed to hear about it that day, because I didn’t consciously notice I was getting impatient again…  Getting all this knowledge takes time.  I put in a lot of hours of study and it literally took me months before I realized that what I learnt was what I believed, and what came out when I waivered.  I wrote a post about it here if you want to read about it.

Another thing:  I do sometimes waiver in my faith – I’m not a strong person that just believes in God all the time.  I had a big crisis of faith a few months ago and I even blogged about it here.  I also learnt there is a difference between doubting and being tempted by the devil.  At first I thought I was thinking wrong thoughts.  Later I learnt that is was the devil tempting me.  He tries his best to get me to give up.  I realised it while I was watching the movie the Pas.sion of the Chri.st.  In the opening scene they show Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsemane and they have the devil next to Him whispering all kinds of temptations to Jesus.  You can read about it and watch a part of the movie in this post.  A lot of the time I thought I doubted God or His promises, but I didn’t.  It becomes doubt or sin when you act on it.  Not when you hear it.  So I try (I’m not always successful) to counter those temptations with statements that agree with God’s Word.  I don’t always quote scriptures.  I might say something like:  “I know God will make me pregnant,” or I might quote an exact scripture like:  Exodus 23:25-26 (NIV): “²⁵ Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, ²⁶ and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.” I like to use this one a lot because it is general and applicable to me, but also to everyone that is sick like Shumi and my mom.

I must say God is faithful and He has given back to us.  I have seen and heard certain things that can only be God’s hand that caused it.  It was sometimes things that might seem coincidental, someone saying something on a day when you needed to hear it, or something happening just at the right time or in the right way.  I do not believe in coincidence or in luck.  I see it as God giving us what we need, when we need it.  Once you start to notice these things, you see how often it happens, and I try to give God the glory and praise for every one of those “little miracles”.

I have also seen things that can only be God – like the polyp that disappeared during my last IVF cycle.  It was there on the scan one day and less than a week later is was basically almost completely gone.  It has never happened before with any of the other polyps I ever had and even my FS could not explain it.  Or the lump that Shumi had on his back – it was big and hard – like bone, suddenly there one day and a while later completely gone.  Both of these times I prayed to God asking Him to heal it, confessing scriptures and He helped out.  Proof like this helps a lot to strengthen you faith.  But I must say I must consciously think back on these things every now and then – it’s very easy to forget about things like this and start to waiver again.

I cannot always blog about every feeling or thought that goes through my mind, so it might seem that I’m stronger in my faith than what I actually am.  Let me tell you there are times when I feel bad, when it’s difficult to keep my faith, or there are times when I get discouraged, but every time the only thing that helps me out of the situation is a message from God or the Word of God.  How long I am in that situation mostly depends on me – I have to realize that I’m under attack and that I must turn to God for help.  That might take a day or two sometimes, but I must say I’m getting better at recognizing those situations.

I have some favourite scriptures that I meditate upon on and confess out loud.   Joy.ce Me.yer said once that we believe what we hear from our own mouths the most.  I found it to be true – the more I say something out loud the more I start to believe it.  Here are the confessions and scriptures that I turn to the most in no specific order:

Phil 4:6, 1 Peter 5:6-7: “I do not fret or have anxiety about anything. I do not have a care.”

Luke 18:27: “What is impossible with men is possible with God”

Philippians 4:13 (NIV): “¹³ I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

Exodus 23:25-26 (NIV): “²⁵ Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, ²⁶ and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.”

Deuteronomy 7:13-14 (NIV): “¹³ He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land— your grain, new wine and oil— the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks in the land that he swore to your forefathers to give you.    ¹⁴ You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young.”

Psalm 127:3-5 (NIV): “³Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.    ⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.    ⁵ Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate”

Psalm 128:3 (NIV): “³ Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots round your table.”

Psalm 113:9 (NIV): “⁹ He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children.   Praise the LORD”

2 Corinthians 1:20 (NIV): “²⁰ For no matter how many promises God has made, they are Yes in Christ. And so through him the Amen is spoken by us to the glory of God.”

Isaiah 55:11 (NIV): “¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

1 Peter 2:24 (NIV): “²⁴ He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”

Isaiah 53:4-5 (NIV): “ ⁴ Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.    ⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”

John 10:10 (NIV): “¹⁰ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Romans 16:20 (NIV): “²⁰ The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you.”

James 4:7 (NIV): “⁷Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

Here and here are some more posts I wrote about doubts and my faith, where you can see that I’m not always strong in my faith, but where I got messages of hope in the times when I needed it.  Alternatively you are welcome to click on the Faith tag and get all the posts I have written and tagged about faith so far…

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I am back!

Hello all!  Happy new Year to you!  I am finally back and able to post again.  We came back from holiday last Thursday, but then we were without internet connection until now.  Except for a short while once when I was able to logon for about half an hour.  I have a lot of blog reading to catch up on, and hopefully I’ll be able to read up on everyone’s news soon!

Our holiday was lovely, we had the best sunny weather, some days a bit hot, but fortunately we could swim in the sea, the lagoon and a pool as often as we wanted so it didn’t bother me so much.  We went to the north coast of Kwazulu Natal, to a little town called Zinkwazi, and we camped in the local campsite.  It was the first time ever we went there and it was really nice. 

It was quite busy, because it was over Christmas time, and a bit loud, but I think that is expected for that time of year.   I think if we would go again, we would prefer it out of season.  I was shocked to see many heavily pregnant ladies on the beach and there were even a lot of babies in the camp site.  I was naïve enough to think that they would not go on holiday with a tiny baby or so close to their due dates, but it seems it doesn’t put people off.  There was one day that I felt that I was surrounded by pregnant ladies, on to the left of me, one to the right and another walking right past me, and I actually couldn’t stop the tears from rolling.  Fortunately I was by myself so I could hide it…

The last few weeks have really been hard for me, I just cannot stop thinking about how far along I should have been or that our babies could have been born already.  I think I’m going through the whole mourning process all over again.  I was so upset on New Years day – we spent the day at my parents in law’s house and all day everyone was talking about people they know who are pregnant or want to get pregnant again and at one stage my SIL spoke about getting a tummy tuck, and my FIL said:  “Can’t you get pregnant before you go for your tummy tuck, and give us a little grand daughter?”  They only have 2 grand children – 2 boys, (the same SIL’s sons).  It was like a dagger in my heart – obviously they have given up on getting grand children from us…  They would rather try from the son who has a fertile wife, but who have said explicitly that they don’t want more than 2 children, and that their family is complete…

I know it was not meant maliciously, and I’m sure he doesn’t realise how hurtful it was for me to hear that.  But it still hurt so much…  DH said I shouldn’t get upset about it – it could have been worse – He could have asked me…  I don’t know what would have been worse actually…

Ok – I’ll stop with the self pity now.  Let me share something awsome that God did for us on our way back from holiday:  We had some misfortune, but God is so great!  He definitely gave us a helping hand and I can’t help seeing the silver lining to the dark clouds…  Because we went camping we couldn’t get all the tents and stuff in the car so we had a trailer that we borrowed from DH’s brother to put all our stuff in.  The day before we came back we realised this trailer’s spare wheel was flat, we tried to pump it, but then realised there was a huge gash in it and it cannot be repaired.  I told DH that we will just pray and believe that God will bring us home safely as a new one would have cost us a lot of money, especially if you take into account that it is for something that is not ours…

The journey back went well except for the last little bit, as we approached the last toll gate closest to our house, the trailer’s A frame or drawbar broke off completely.  (I’m attaching a picture so you can understand what I’m talking about)  It’s the part that is coloured green – it broke off on both sides under the body.

Fortunately we driving very slowly and it came to a standstill right behind our car without getting any damage to the trailer or our car or anybody elses car.  The other amazing thing was that it happened only 1 hour’s drive away from our home and DH was able to call his brother to come and help.  Also because it happened right at the toll gate they were able to use electricity from there and were able to fix it within 2 hours.  DH sent me, my sister and her 2 girls on home so at least we didn’t have to sit next to the road while they fixed it. 

Later I thought what could have happened.  The way back was long (700 km’s) and through some mountain passes and if that trailer broke loose anywhere else it could have caused a horrific accident, either to us or someone else.  So I’m incredibly grateful that God helped us out there.  I strongly believe it was the protective hand of God that  influenced the break at the most convenient place along the road.  Thank you God!  You are so amazing!

Even though I have been sad lately, I’m starting to feel better and I cannot wait for all the good things God has in store for us this new year!  I don’t want to lose out on any of the blessings He wants to give us!  I hope  and pray that we will all be blessed with a successful pregnancy or a live baby this year!

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Some more on waiting:

After yesterdays post I though I would post a link to the song:  “While I’m Waiting” by Jo.hn Wal.ler.  I just love this song, it is so beautiful.  I heard it the first time while I was watching the movie Fireproof, which is an awsome movie by the way, and I think especially helpful for people who are struggling with marital problems.   I don’t think however that this movie’s audience is limited to those with marital problems, because it certainly appealed to me and thank God we have no such problems.

Lately this song is one of those that I listen a lot to, it has special significance because I am in a stage of waiting, or like Joy.ce Mey.er likes to call it:  “the middle.”  When you are in the middle of a difficult situation, and not through it yet.  This song is a good example of praising God when times are hard…  I listen to it very often and it helps especially to get through the times when it seems like nothing is happening… 

I have learnt so much about waiting recently, that we have to wait in expectation, and that we must expect good things to happen to us, that we need to praise and worship in those times and to actually thank God for what he is going to do for us. 

I heard a message from Joy.ce recently on your attitude and going through the “wilderness,” as she also likes to call it, and it seems that the time we spend in the “wilderness” or “the middle” depends on us.  If we are going to have the right attitude the time spend there can be significantly reduced. 

So instead of complaining or questioning God, I like to listen and sing along to this song and rather praise and worship Him!

I’m just posting the link to Yo.u Tu.be because of restrictions from So.ny En.tertain.ment:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6X71sXagUY

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Revelations about the secrets:

Psalm 18:28-36 (NIV):  “²⁸ You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.  ²⁹ With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.  ³⁰As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.  ³¹ For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God?  ³² It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.  ³³ He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights.  ³⁴ He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.  ³⁵ You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.  ³⁶ You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn over.”

I cannot even begin to tell you how much God has helped me the last couple of months.  From being hopeless, sad and depressed to hopeful, happy and joyous!  The above verses describe how God can change your life so beautifully!  I found it the other day while doing Bible study and I thought:  “Yes!  That’s what God does for me!”

But let me tell you it is not as easy as a “feeling” that comes over you whenever God is near or when He takes pity on you.  No, I had to look for comfort and strength in His Word.  God is always near, but we don’t always “feel” it.  We have to “know” what God does, and the only way that can happen is to know God, and that means learning by reading the Bible or looking for messages of hope and comfort.  Those messages do not always find you.  Let me tell you there were days where I felt so hopeless and despondent that I had to look for a message of hope from God.  Sometimes it even took days to find it!

I have found that there are wonderful “secrets” in the Bible that were not always evident to me.  I’ve learnt so much in the last couple of months that I can’t believe I didn’t know it before, because I have read the whole Bible through from cover to cover before.  But the other night I watched a program from Joy.ce Mey.er and she talked about revelation and that it only comes from the Holy Spirit, and then I realized that was what made the difference – I have had revelation about a lot of things that I didn’t understand before.  Before those words didn’t mean anything to me, now I know what they mean!  I’m not saying I didn’t have revelation at all – there were times when I got a revelation, but it didn’t happen as frequently, because I was not actively seeking it.

Ephesians 3:9 (NIV):  “⁹ and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things.”

1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV):  “⁹ However, as it is written:  No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him—“

Matthew 13:11-13 (NIV):  “¹¹ He replied, The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them.  ¹² Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.  ¹³ This is why I speak to them in parables:  Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.”

Do you remember the healing service we went to?  Well Pastor A talked about the secrets in the Bible.  He mentioned the above verses, and although I knew what he meant, I couldn’t even fathom what a difference it would make in my life to actually learn so much in such a short time!  The good news about these secrets is that it is available to all – God is no respecter of persons – he has no favourites and He wants us all to live a life of victory.  To share in the victory of Jesus Christ!  It is available to all; we must just be willing to put in some effort from our side!

But let me tell you – even though I have shared most of those revelations with you, unless you don’t get revelation on it yourself it might not mean much to you. O, I pray that the Holy Spirit gives revelation to all who read this blog, because I wish you all could experience what I’ve experienced lately!  I have certainly shared in the revelations of others and I have mentioned them all on this blog, so my wish for you all is that you can also have revelation about everything that affects your life!

But just a note of warning:  Revelation won’t help a thing if you don’t apply what you learn.  It is not just enough to “know” something – you have to act on it as well.

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