When I’m weak, I’m Strong…

I’ve wanted to blog about this topic for a while now and just when I got ready to sit down and write the post things changed and I felt that I cannot write about it, because what do I know after all? Well, things have changed again, for the worse, and then I got some awesome messages to confirm what I wanted to write about originally, so maybe, maybe it is the right time and circumstances to write about this.

In January I was at my wits end. The festive season had just ended and G-force was totally out of his routine. It was so hard to try to stick to any kind of routine when one is constantly either busy entertaining or invited to visit someone else. When we have visitors or when we visit other people G-force generally does not want to nap in the afternoon, and try as we might, he will fight and fight until we eventually give up. Often he also does not want to go to sleep when it’s his regular bed time.  Being out of routine also resulted in him not sleeping well during the night and many nights he would wake me up 2-4 times, often starting as early as 22h00 or 23h00.

By the middle of January I was completely exhausted and felt like I was going to have a breakdown. Well one night when he was once again struggling to sleep and it was 21h30 or so already I just started crying and said to the Lord: “Lord, I just cannot do this anymore! I am soooo tired! I need sleep, and I need to sleep right through the night! Lord, I give up. I have tried everything and nothing works! I don’t know what else to do. I just cannot do this anymore; I now give this over to you Lord, because I have no idea what to do…”

Eventually G-force went to sleep and I stumbled to bed and fell asleep immediately. Much to my surprise DH woke me up the next morning at 6h30 to get G-force ready for school. For the first time in what felt like forever I had slept straight from about 22h00 to 6h30. Immediately I thanked and praised the Lord because I knew it was only due to His grace. This was not a once off occurrence either. From that night G-force’s sleeping habits changed from waking many times a night most nights and only occasionally sleeping through the night to sleeping through most of the time and only waking up once and then only occasionally.

That was until the somewhere in the beginning of April. Slowly but surely he would start to wake around 4 or 5 in the morning and then often he would wake up anytime from about midnight to 2 also. Once again the nights where he slept through were few and far in between. I was at a loss. What to do, because last time we really did not do anything! How to fix this problem? I asked the Lord to help again, because let’s face it, it was thanks to His doing that things got better.

There was absolutely no explanation why G-force was waking up in the night again. We thought that he might be cold, because it was getting colder, but warming his room did not help. Eventually a week ago I finally figured it out.

G-force told me that there is something in his mouth that is hurting it. Sometimes when he has something stuck between his teeth he will come to me and ask me to remove it by flossing his teeth. He wanted me to do that again, but he was pointing to the back of his mouth where his one molar is. So I washed my hand and stuck my finger in there to pinpoint where the problem is as I couldn’t see anything and what do you know? I felt a new molar peeking through. Poor little guy, I barely touched it but he howled in pain. So now we know what is the most probable cause for the poor sleeping. But you know what? We’ve been giving him teething meds on and off already since that was one of the suspects already. We then started to give it to him regularly and even adding another kind, and it still did not work. In desperation I bought a Baltic amber teething necklace last week and he’s been wearing it since Thursday. So far no improvement yet…

Last night he woke up at 22h00, 1h30, 4h00 and about 5h30. Lately I’m also having trouble getting back to sleep once G-force wakes me, fortunately this morning it was at 5h30 and not one of the other times in the middle of the night… I cannot explain to anyone how tired I am. I’ve been feeling like a zombie for about a month already. DH tries to help, but G-force wants nothing to do with him in the middle of the night. He only wants me and he wants to nurse. He refuses everything else.

In January already, after the incident I described, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the following scriptures:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (AMP):
“7 And to keep me from being puffed up and too much elated by the exceeding greatness (pre-eminence) of these revelations, there was given me a thorn (a splinter) in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to rack and buffet and harass me, to keep me from being excessively exalted. 8 Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me; 9 But He said to me, My grace (My favour and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! 10 So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).”

For the first time I really realized what Paul meant when he said; “for when I’m weak, then I am strong…” When we are weak and know it and rely on Jesus, not on our own efforts – that is when we are strong, not with our own strength, but the strength that we receive through God’s grace.

I knew all this yet it once again took quite some time to admit that I am weak, and that I need God’s grace to make me strong again…Last week I came to that point again, and I’m still there. Thankfully Abba, Father God is so merciful, and one morning I switched on the TV to watch a program on TBN, and God gave me three awesome programs to watch, the one straight after the other. The first one I watched was Cref.lo Dol.lar, the second one Joy.ce Mey.er and then the best one, Jo.seph Prin.ce.

I specifically want to mention the program of Jo.seph Prin.ce; it’s called: “Great Grace for your greatest weakness – Sermon # 352”. I can highly recommend that every single person reading this gets hold of this sermon and listen to it as many times as possible. He mentions Abraham and Sarah, Manoah and his wife and Zachariah and Elizabeth, and them being barren for so many years, and how in their weakest moments they were able to have a child, but not any child, these children had supernatural favour upon them. He also speaks specifically to people who have lost a child/baby or who have been barren and prophesies how we will birth champions, just like these people in the Bible did.

I was so grateful for this message – I’m sure God was speaking directly to me – as if he inspired Jo.seph Prin.ce to preach this message for me, but I know it’s not only for me, all of you who are reading this blog will also probably feel the same 😉 !

It’s not just the fact that I’m so tired that makes me feel so weak. I’ve felt weak too about conceiving our second child, and I’ve actually also gave that matter all over to the Lord a few weeks ago, as well as other areas in our lives, like our finances, my business and even raising G-force…

I cannot wait to see manifestation of God’s super abounding Grace in these areas!

(I thought I’ve blogged about Paul’s thorn in the flesh before, but it seems that I haven’t. Many people think that Paul’s thorn in the flesh is some kind of sickness caused by God to make him weak – that is not the case. Paul’s thorn was not God’s doing, and if you want to learn more about what it is then please read this message of An.drew Wom.mack)

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2014 School Pictures:

When I first saw these pictures I thought – this is not my baby!  His little face has changed so much and he doesn’t look like a baby anymore…  Feeling a little sad about that!

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The Father’s Love:

I’ve been feeling a bit despondent at times lately and the other night I read a chapter from Jo.seph Prin.ce’s latest book “The Po.wer of Rig.ht Belie.ving” on the Father’s love and that got me thinking…

I remembered one instance last year when they asked at G-force’s creche that we send them to school in their slippers on a specific day, as part of their holiday program. Only problem was that he did not own any slippers, and it was in the time that DH was unemployed, and to be honest G-force did not really need slippers since he wore onesies to bed and they all had feet on, so his feet were always warm and covered.

So I contemplated sending him to school with normal shoes and to just ignore the request. I mean he was 1.5 years old, surely he would not notice the difference? But then I thought, “What if he does notice and he feels like the odd one out?”

You see the thought of my little boy feeling out was just too much to bear, and I realized that I would rather go without food, than have his little heart unhappy. So I went to a few shops to look for slippers to see how much they were and one day I saw a cute pair of Spider man slippers on sale for R20 (that is less than $2), and that settled the matter for me, I bought them immediately! Thankfully I got them so cheap I did not have to go without food, but I was totally willing to sacrifice that just to keep my little boy happy.

***

Another time last year they wanted to have a picnic at the creche. I told DH about it and he said that I must buy extra things to put into the picnic basket (he was employed by then, so the cost was not such a big factor anymore), because we realized that many parents often forget such things and he was concerned that some of the little kids won’t be able to participate in the picnic. So I put in 6 tubs of yogurt, a whole string of packets of crisps, a big pack of sweets, a whole packet of cookies, etc. There was enough in there to feed at least 6 kids. When I told the teacher she was glad, because there were parents that forgot to bring the picnic baskets, and at the end of the day the basket was completely empty.

On Valentine’s Day this year they decided to have a picnic again, and I misunderstood the letter they sent home. There was a Valentine’s dinner at night which we weren’t going to and I thought the picnic was for the kids at the dinner, but it wasn’t – the picnic was during school time. So when I dropped G-force off at the creche and when the teacher asked where his picnic basket was, was when I only realized my mistake. The teacher ensured me it was OK; they would give him something from one of the other kid’s picnic baskets.

At first I thought that it’s not a problem, there is probably another mommy who did what I did the previous year and there would be plenty for G-force. But it kept bothering me and I realized that I had an unopened little juice box in the fridge, some crisps, sweets and some fruit in the house (this time only 1 of each) and I quickly put it all in a basket and took it to the creche. I got there just after 9h00 and the receptionist told me that they were just starting, so she quickly took it outside to G-force.

That afternoon when I went to pick up G-force the receptionist told me that when she got outside G-force was sitting there with just 1 little sweetie in his hand and looking not too happy, but when she came running and shouting; “Here is G-force’s picnic basket”, his little face just lit up. Well that had me in tears immediately! Just the thought that my little baby almost missed out on an enjoyable picnic, because I had made a mistake was just too much for me. I was so glad that I changed my mind and rushed to get his picnic basket to the creche. The receptionist was also in tears when she told me the story by the way…

***

Now for my last story of G-force: A few months ago there was a helicopter that flew over the area where we live and G-force’s school for quite a few hours. It started around 7h00 when I was getting G-force ready for school, and he asked me what it was that was making the noise. When we got outside I showed him the helicopter, and he asked me a few times what it was and I repeated the word “helicopter” every time he asked. I forgot about the incident and didn’t think about it again for about a week.

Then suddenly one afternoon when we got home, G-force pointed to an aeroplane in the sky (we live close to an airport so there are lots of aeroplanes to see here) and he called it a helicopter. I corrected him and told him it’s an aeroplane. For the next couple of days he pointed out a lot of aeroplanes and called them all helicopters.

The next Saturday DH went to watch rugby at a single friend’s house and since G-force was a bit sick I decided to stay at home with him and let DH go out and enjoy himself. G-force kept talking about a helicopter and asked to see one, but I was at a loss. How can I show him a helicopter? Then I remembered that I can go on to the internet with my phone and show him pictures and videos of helicopters. He was so happy!

So now we have a 2 year old who is obsessed with helicopters. He gets so excited if he sees one, but we don’t often see them in real life here. DH bought him a toy helicopter and he remembered he had a simple little remote control helicopter that he bought for himself years ago. G-force absolutely loves to play with both, and he can fly the remote control helicopter all by himself already.

The other night DH and I were talking about how much G-force loves helicopters and we both agreed that it would make him so happy to see a helicopter up close. We talked about how we would go to great lengths to treat our little guy by taking him to a helicopter and ideally we would love to be able to let him fly in one, but we don’t know where or how to do that. DH has spoken to a pilot he knows already, but he couldn’t help him since he works in a different field at the moment and doesn’t know any helicopter pilots. But we haven’t given up on the idea to somehow make G-force’s wildest imaginations come true.

He has never asked us to take him to one, or to let him fly in one, but we just know that is one of the things that would really, really make him happy, and to be able to treat our little boy and see him happy makes us happy. So we will try our very best to at least get him close to a real helicopter.

***

So when I read about the father’s love for us, I thought back to the above instances, and how much our little boy’s happiness and well being was of utmost importance to me. How just the thought of him being unhappy could get me in tears, and how much I’m willing to sacrifice for him, no matter what the cost.

And that made me think of the following verses:

Luke 11:11-13 (NIV):
11“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[a] a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

It says here that we cannot compare as parents, to our Father in heaven. We think we may be good parents and treat our children well, and give them what they want or need, but how much more will our Father in heaven give us!

I know I am not a perfect parent – far from it. I think some of it can be seen in my stories above. I forget, or we don’t always have the resources to help, I make mistakes, I get tired and sometimes cranky, but thankfully our Daddy God is not at all like I am.

He has unlimited resources, He does not make mistakes, He does not forget, He is always there for us, and always willing to help us, also so much more than we can ever think or dream off.

Let me tell you, when I thought about all of this, I was in tears again…

I want to finish with this: To really know how much our Heavenly Father loves us, we need to know how much he sacrificed for us. He loves us so much that he gave his only Son, Jesus Christ, to be punished for all the sins and inequities of the whole world for all time. Jesus suffered terribly; he gave up EVERYTHING, for us. But you know what? He still would have made the sacrifice for you, if you were the only person on earth…

THAT IS HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU!

Let me tell you, I certainly cannot even think to sacrifice my son for anybody else. Not even 1 person, never mind all of humanity (and thankfully we will not ever have to do that!).

Now don’t you think that if my little boy’s desires and happiness is so important to me, how much more is your happiness and your desires to our Heavenly Father!

I must say that night I felt very miserable. I had a head cold and I was not looking forward to going to bed, even though I was so tired because G-force had been waking a lot during the night again, because every time I laid down I had trouble breathing. Well this night I actually slept quite well. I can’t really remember if G-force slept through or maybe woke up once, but it was a lot better than the previous nights, but the best was that the next morning my head cold was so much better! All in all it took about 2 days to be fully healed and I did not take any medication! That is only by meditating on how much our Heavenly Father loves us!

The next night I was nursing G-force in his room just before bed time and I looked at his sweet content little face and I thanked God for this wonderful little boy of ours. I thought back to the revelation of His love for me, and I just prayed out loud: “Father, you know the deepest desires of my heart and you know how much I want another precious baby just like this one. Thank you that you love me so much that my desires are very important to you, and that Jesus has already made provision for our next baby. I just know our next baby is on its way, thank you Lord!”

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