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Archive for February, 2011

Sowing and Reaping:

I’ve wanted to blog about this topic for a while now, but every time something else came along that seemed more important to blog about.  I have heard a few messages about it again recently, so I think now is the time to write about it.

I heard people speaking about this concept a lot, but I never really thought much about it and the impact it has on our lives.  A lot of Christians believe in it, but I don’t think they actively apply it in their lives, just like I never did.

There is this natural law, like the law of gravity, that if you sow one seed, you get back many more seeds in return.  One seed will germinate and develop into a plant that can create hundreds of seeds.  So by putting in the effort and sowing something, you will reap a harvest many times more than what you put in.  We have to co-operate with this law – it will not work otherwise.  We cannot reap a crop if we never sow a seed…

In the spiritual realm it works the same.  You have to put in something to be able to get more of the same back in return.  I have heard the same example used every time, so I’ll also use it:

Luke 6:38 (NIV):  38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

If you have financial problems for instance, you have to give some to receive some.  The principle works like this: You give some money to ministry and God can bless the seed you’ve given Him and multiply it. Just like if you would have sown actual seed. Eventually you will get a harvest and the harvest will be more than what you have sown.  It is difficult for some people to give away some of the little they have and to believe that God will bless them with more, but that is how it works. 

It doesn’t have to work only with finances – it can apply to different aspects of life.  Here are a couple of Scriptures from the Bible that apply the principle of sowing and reaping:

Job 4:8 (NIV):  8 As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it.”

Proverbs 22:8 (NIV):  8 Whoever sows injustice reaps calamity, and the rod they wield in fury will be broken.”

Hosea 10:12 (NIV):  12 Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you.”

2 Corinthians 9:6 (NIV):  6 Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.”

Galatians 6:7-8(NIV):  7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.  8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”

James 3:18 (NIV):  18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”

So my question to you is what are you sowing?  What do you believe?  What do you think about constantly?  What do you say out loud?  How do you act?  Because that will determine what you reap.  If you speak and think negatively all the time you shouldn’t be surprised if negative things happen in your life.  Are you expecting bad things to happen?

One example I want to use is side effects of medication.  I started taking fertility medication (Clomid) in 2000.  I didn’t have access to the internet then, and nobody told me that there were side effects, so I never had any side effects.  After 2 IUI’s the FS I had at that stage started to combine the Clomid with injectable medication. Again I didn’t have any side effects.  Later when I went for my first IVF, I did not read up about it on the internet so again I didn’t know that there were side effects, and I didn’t have any…

Today when you read up about any of the medication that they give you, you read so much about the side effects and how they affect you.  I was surprised to see how bad the side effects of Clomid can be.  I honestly cannot say I have experienced any of those bad side effects.  Not for Clomid, Femara, Gonal F, Fostimon, Utrogestan, Cyclogest, Meticorten or whatever else I got.  By the time I read about the side effects I already believed that they didn’t affect me. 

I read on the infertility forums a lot of threads about ladies who haven’t taken any medication yet, but they are already stressing about those side effects.   It will not surprise me if they get side effects, and maybe even have every single one of those they read that the other people had, because they believe they will get them…

What I’m trying to say is, be aware of what you believe, say and think.  Start to act and speak according to what you want.  I want to get pregnant, so I’m saying that I’m fertile and that I will conceive naturally.  Now at first I did not believe it, but after saying it a hundred times or maybe even more I do believe it now.  I am speaking of Shumi as my healthy dog, even if he doesn’t seem healthy, because I’m saying what I believe God’s Word says and I’m not going to agree with what I see.  DH went to our GP the other day with an ear infection.  The doctor said he had some kind of eczema in his ears that is a chronic condition that cannot be cured.  When we walked out of there I said to DH, “I don’t care what the doctor says, you do not have a chronic condition and you will get cured.”  Thank goodness DH agreed with me, and he is much better already.  Not 100%, but we believe it will be gone very soon! 

I am not going to agree with the devil anymore.  From now on I only want to sow positive things and I want to reap an abundant harvest of blessings.  I am determined that there will be no more negative thoughts or words or actions for me!

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It feels like I’ve hit a wall with Shumi’s healing.  He’s much better since the day he had so much bleeding, but the snot is back again.  At times both his nostrils are blocked and he has real trouble breathing.  Mostly at night, so that means we are not getting a lot of sleep as he wakes us anything from 3 to 5 or 6 times a night…  I think it’s a ploy from the devil – to wear us down so that we cannot resist his attacks.

I’ve been looking for help for the last week or so, to find out what the problem can be, and I have read and heard some explanations of what it can be, but I’m not sure if that is it.  As a matter of fact I’m not sure what I must or can do differently.  All I do know is that the problem does not lie with God.  Shumi is already healed, but something is blocking his healing, and I’m pretty sure it’s not a lack of faith from my side…

I heard a message last week from An.drew Wom.mack where he proved the above point from the Bible out of the book of Daniel:

Daniel 9:20-23 (NIV):  20 While I was speaking and praying, confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel and making my request to the LORD my God for his holy hill— 21 while I was still in prayer, Gabriel, the man I had seen in the earlier vision, came to me in swift flight about the time of the evening sacrifice. 22 He instructed me and said to me, Daniel, I have now come to give you insight and understanding. 23 As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given, which I have come to tell you, for you are highly esteemed. Therefore, consider the message and understand the vision:”

Daniel 10:1-3 (NIV):  1 In the third year of Cyrus king of Persia, a revelation was given to Daniel (who was called Belteshazzar). Its message was true and it concerned a great war. The understanding of the message came to him in a vision.  2 At that time I, Daniel, mourned for three weeks.  3 I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips; and I used no lotions at all until the three weeks were over.”

Daniel 10:11-13 (NIV):  11 He said, Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you. And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling.   12 Then he continued, Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.  13 But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.”

In Daniel 9, Daniel prayed on behalf of his people and the angel Gabriel came to him.  My Bible doesn’t say how long it took before Gabriel came to Daniel in a vision, but it looks like it was the same day.  What is important is what Gabriel told Daniel.  He said, “23 As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given…”  That means as soon as Daniel asked, God had given him an answer.  It might not have manifested immediately, it could have taken a few minutes or hours, we don’t know how long it took…

Then in Daniel 10, Daniel prays and fasts again, but this time it took 3 weeks before the angel came to him.  One would think that the second time it would not take as long as the first time.  I mean Daniel has been through it all already, and should know exactly what to do.   He should have enough faith for it to happen again…

Look at what the angel tells him this time, “Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.  13 But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.”

Again the response is that Daniel’s prayers were answered the moment he started praying.  But this time there was opposition in the spirit realm.  It took 2 angels 21 days to overcome the darkness before the answer to Daniels prayers could be manifested…  So the problem did not lie with Daniel.  His faith was strong enough, he did everything right…  Just think what could have happened if Daniel gave up after 2 weeks – if he stopped believing that God will answer his prayers.  It would have been stopped in the spiritual realm and his prayers would not have been answered.  The devil would have won, because he would have been able to steal this away from Daniel.  I think that happens a lot with us these days.  We pray for something but before we get it, we give up.   Our dream is aborted, and that is the last thing I want to do…  I am not going to give up.

In our situation it could be that the problem does lie with me.  Like I said, I’m not sure what it is…  I cannot be compared to Daniel, that is for sure.  But it can also be that something/someone else is blocking the full healing of Shumi. 

I am incredibly thankful for the things God has done for us.  The fact that the lump on Shumi’s back disappeared so quickly – until today I still don’t know what it was, I just know it was big and hard and was not there one day and there the next.  Shumi also had a smaller lump next to his tail that disappeared and the snot was gone for at least 2 months.   Shumi’s eye is also healed – there is no more snot or blood coming from it and it hasn’t for a long time.  Those are all real miracles to me.  Especially when I think back to the other dog that was diagnosed with the same cancer in the same week as Shumi was, that passed away 2 weeks later.  It is almost a year since Shumi’s symptoms started and 7 months since the official diagnosis…  That is also a miracle in my eyes and I thank God for that regularly.

Shumi is still very alert, he has a healthy appetite, as a matter of fact he eats better than before he got sick.  He was always a picky eater and there were days where he just didn’t want to eat, but he hasn’t been like that for months…  He has lots of energy and he and KT play every day for a few hours, and they play rough!  During the day Shumi seems normal and a lot of people have questioned us about his diagnosis and what the vet says about his current state, because they just cannot believe the cancer diagnosis can be correct.  So I know that God has done great things to date, but I keep doing the same as always and things look like they are getting worse again. 

I am not going to let that get me down, but I know I need to do something.  What I don’t know yet… All I know is I cannot give up.

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IComLeaveWe:

Hi! Welcome to all new IComLeaveWe visitors!  It’s been a while since I last participated, and I’m looking forward to reading lots of new blogs!  If you are new to my blog let me try to give you a summary of what I’ve been blogging about:

· My blog is mostly about Christian messages of comfort and hope that have helped me to cope with my current circumstances, and I like to share those messages as I’m sure other people also need to hear those messages.
· At the moment we are also praying for miracle healing for my mom, a friend I like to call “G” and our dog Shumi.  All of them have been diagnosed with cancer.  They are all doing well though and we are confident that they will be healed.
· We are not doing any more fertility treatments.  We are hoping and praying for a miracle and that I’m going to get pregnant naturally.
· It’s been 11 years since we wanted to start our family.  I got my very first BFP last year, but I miscarried. 
· We got the BFP on the very last IVF cycle we could afford.  We actually over extended ourselves and it was very hard for me to come to terms with the fact that we were so close to getting our family and then we could not try again.
· After Shumi got sick we got a puppy called KT and she doesn’t look like a puppy anymore – she is 8 months old tomorrow. 
· My dogs are my children at the moment and they give me so much joy. 

I think that is a good summary of what my blog is all about.  If you want some more info you are welcome to click on About or the ICLW tag…

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Sorry, I’ve been busy…

I know I’ve been quiet the last few days, but that is because I came across this incredible teaching series and I’ve been listening to it every single moment I could.  It’s from And.rew Wom.mack Ministries and it is called Chris.tian Sur.vival Kit

If you have time please do yourself a favour and listen to it.  I wish I have found this months ago.  Basically it is a teaching on how to act and what to do when you are faced with a crisis situation.  I would not recommend that you leave it until you are faced with a crisis.  Ideally you need to know what to do the moment you are faced with a crisis, but if you are in a crisis at the moment then obviously you must get to it immediately.  It will take a lot of hours to finish listening to it, but please do not let it put you off.  If time is an issue just try to listen to 1 teaching a day. 

I would love to be able to share it all with you, but it’s just way too much information.  It would take me months to blog about it all…

***

On another note – my mom started with her radiation this week, and she’s had 3 treatments already.  By the rate this is going she will be finished by the end of the month.  This is going so fast – the previous place she went to took their time with everything.  It was about a month or more from her fist appointment to her first radiation treatment.  And then they cancelled so many appointments that it took 6 or 7 weeks instead of 5 weeks to finish. 

My mom was a bit tired the other day but otherwise she is fine.  She had an appointment this week with the Gastroenterologist that treated her for her bowel problems and this doctor was incredibly upset that she was getting radiation again, because he had to try and fix the damage from the previous radiation.  So my mom says she mentioned his concerns to the people that give her the radiation and they said that they are very careful and they try to just radiate her Para-aortic glands.  Fortunately she is not getting radiation in the same spot as last time.  It’s much higher than where her colon is.  I’m praying that this will be the last treatment that she has to endure and that there will be no other complications…

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An award? For me?

Wow!  I cannot believe I have been awarded a blog award!  Thanks Jen!  I feel so honoured.  It’s my first award!

Here are the rules:
1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Award 15 other bloggers.

4. Contact the bloggers and tell them about the award.

Here are some things about myself:
1.       My favourite subjects at school were art and mathematics.  I am both creative and analytical.
2.       After school I studied Fashion Design.  I only worked in that field for 3 months under horrible circumstances.  I quit and went to work for a major bank here in South Africa and was stuck there for 14 years!  The bank job was only supposed to be a stepping stone…
3.       I actually wanted to start my own line of baby clothing while working at the bank and I made lots of gorgeous baby clothes for all the ladies working with me and whose baby showers I had to attend.  When I realized that I wasn’t going to get pregnant soon, I stopped making the baby clothes…  IF killed that dream…
4.       I have very long, thin fingers.  People have made comments on that ever since I can remember.  I was always asked if I played the piano.  DH wanted to buy me a pinkie ring once and measured my finger at a flea market, and when he bought the ring the lady behind the counter told him it was impossible – that only children have such thin fingers.  They refused to sell him such a small ring and he had to give me a ring that was too big (it fit my ring finger) and he actually took me back to the shop and had that lady measure my finger to prove that the original measurement was correct and to swop the ring for the smaller one he originally wanted to buy.
5.       Even though I love dogs, I was bitten seriously twice.  The first time was by a neighbour’s Bull terrier when I was 11 years old and later by our own Cocker spaniel when I was 19.  The second time was in my face and the dog bit off a part of my nose.  I had to go to hospital for plastic surgery to fix my nose and you can still see the scar today…  That is one reason I love my boxers, they are not aggressive dogs at all.
6.       Generally my family is very healthy.  My one granddad only passed away when he was 94 and my other grandmother also when she was over 90 already.  The other 2 passed away from cancer around the age of 78 (I’m not 100% sure of my facts here…)  My granddad actually wanted to reach the age of 100 as his dad lived to the ripe old age of 99.
7.       My mom is one of 8 children and my dad is one of 7 children.  So both sets of grandparents were incredibly fertile…

I’m nominating the following ladies for an award:
1.        Miela at Babybummer
2.       Rae at Barrenista
3.       Amy at Chapters
4.       Samcy at Communiqué
5.       Elaine at God’s faithfulness through infertility
6.       CaSondra at Life adventures with the SHIM’S
7.       Melody at Life’s a bowl of wedgies
8.       Britt at Peace B.E.G.A.N
9.       Jocelyn at Room to Think
10.    Dee at Trip the light
11.    Sian at Waiting for our miracle
12.    Kitty at Wannaby Mommy
13.    Jess at When the music fades
14.    Elize at Where’s my bun?
15.    Cstelle at Zero Guarantees

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More dreams:

I’ve been dreaming about pregnancy again, at least twice since the last time I blogged about it.  The last one was this morning.  I can’t remember the details, but I’m pretty sure I was pregnant in my dreams.  So it seems to be improving, last time wasn’t even sure that I was pregnant.  It also didn’t upset me this week – I felt happy when I woke up.  Maybe the difference was that this time in my dream I was not confused and longing to be pregnant, and maybe that is why I was happy compared to the other dreams…

I found this amazing website today with some incredible healing testimonies and there was something that struck me in one.  It was about this woman who was sick for 45 years and even though she was a Christian and believed in God’s healing power she could not be healed from this condition.   I heard something that struck a chord with me.  There is this one part where they finally realized why she wasn’t getting her healing.  They said, “she might have heard it, and she might have believed it, but her physical problem was more real in her heart, and she still saw herself as ill.”  She couldn’t see herself healed and that’s why she wasn’t seeing results.

That made me think – this past week I’ve had a few instances where I would lay hands on Shumi and suddenly I would get so overwhelmed that I felt like I could just burst out in tears, but not tears of sadness, tears of joy!  I would suddenly say to Shumi, “You know what?  You are healed!  You are not going to die!  You are going to have a full lifespan, and you are going to see our children and play with them and enjoy them like you enjoy other people’s children!  The price was paid, in full!  You are healed!”

Or I would spend some quiet time with God, praying and talking to Him and suddenly I would get that feeling again – I would feel like I can shout for joy and cry for joy at the same time!  It is done!  We are healed!  I know it was the Holy Spirit and I couldn’t help myself!

Well, now that I think about my dreams I wonder if it’s not an indication of what is going on deep down inside me.  A few months ago I had to correct my thoughts every now and then, when I realized that deep down inside me it was difficult to believe that God can make me pregnant without any help from the doctors, or any medication.  I could not see it happen naturally.  I was hoping and believing at times, but not all the time.  But lately I think I’m starting to accept that it can become reality, and maybe that is why I’m dreaming so much about it?  Maybe I’m allowing myself to dream about it because I am starting to believe more and more that it will become my reality…

I think in my heart I’m starting to see myself pregnant…

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Counting blessings:

Yesterday DH and I went for a walk around the estate that we live. Shumi and Nandi came along, but KT was not at home. We found this boy wandering around, but we did not know who he was. He definitely does not live here. First he tried to touch Shumi, but he seemed a bit afraid. Then he wanted to touch Nandi, and she was happy to let him touch her, before she ran off. A few minutes later this boy came to us to ask if we knew where the “little brown boxer girl” is. He said he had been looking for her all day (I’m sure this was an exaggeration, because it’s not that difficult to find KT!) He continued to tell us that he was here previously once and that day he spent the whole day playing with her.

I smiled then because I think I know who this boy is. One of our neighbours is a beautician and works from home. She once had a client visit her at 8h00 and it was this boy’s mom. This boy didn’t want to sit inside, so he went outside and found KT. When his mom was finished he enjoying playing with KT so much that our neighbour said his mom could leave the boy here, she would keep an eye on him (I guess he is about 10 years old) and the mom could come to fetch him later. That boy really spent almost all day here playing with KT and occasionally taking a break for something to eat or drink.

Fortunately I know where to look for KT and we soon found her and she was so happy to see this boy. He knelt down and she licked his ears and they were so happy to see each other. They both ran off immediately, the boy found a ball and they went crazy! Unfortunately about 5 minutes later the boy’s mom was finished and they had to go home. But the boy was happy and KT was happy. It really touched my heart that they enjoyed playing with each other so much. I’m so glad my dear KT could give a little boy so much joy. She is such a sweet dog!

She actually has a routine every day. It starts at about 5h00 every day. She visits almost everyone that lives here, and she spends time with them. Each of these people thinks she visits only them, but she goes from house to house. Everybody thinks she treats them as if they are special, but she treats everyone like that. She is really a blessing to many people and she is a blessing to us too. But just like KT, Shumi and Nandi are blessings to us too. They give us joy in so many different ways.

***

Then the other blessing that I’m grateful for today is my DH. Today 18 years ago (I can’t believe it) we met. Let me tell you the story:

I was almost 22 and DH was already 22.  A friend of mine from school met one of DH’s friends at gym and made a date with him. DH was part of a big group of friends from school and none of them had girlfriends (well, except for the one that made a date with my friend – long story, but I only found out months later he had a girlfriend), and this guy asked her to bring a friend with for his friends. Now, we all went to the same school, but DH and his friends were 1 year ahead of us. My friend and I knew who this group of guys were, their names and what they looked like, because my friend had a crush on one of them in school, but we never spoke to them.

When I first saw DH my heart literally skipped a beat. I could not keep my eyes off him. I thought he was so sexy. He didn’t speak to me at first because his one friend had a problem with his car and he was trying to fix it for him. I thought he was not interested. Later though when we went out, he did speak to me and from that moment on we were together for the rest of the night. He even took me home and asked for my phone number. But he didn’t have a pen and he had to memorize it. Only much later DH said he saw my long legs and that he fell for me immediately (I had a mini on – I’m 1.77 cm or 5 ft 10”).

I didn’t hear from DH the next day, or the day after which was Valentine’s Day. I thought he either forgot my number or wasn’t interested. But the day after Valentine’s Day he did phone and we went on our first official date. It turned out he felt awkward about Valentine’s day and didn’t know how to handle it, so that was why he only contacted me the day after. We have been inseparable ever since. Soul mates.

Quite a few people have commented on how close we are – how they can see we belong together, and that they wished they were in such a close relationship. Even just after we met one friend of DH told me that he could see that we were meant to get married (at that stage marriage wasn’t even brought up, or even thought about yet).

Today 18 years later I’m incredibly thankful that I met DH that day, and it rates as one of the best days of my life ever. Today I’m still as much in love with my DH as I was 18 years ago! I love you so much my darling husband!

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