Another revelation!

Hebrews 11:1 (NIV): “¹ Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

 
Proverbs 3:5-7 (NIV): “⁵Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. ⁷ Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.”

 
I have mentioned faith and trust quite a few times already on this blog. But in the past few weeks I’ve realized that I had faith and trust, but not like I thought I had. I had faith that God can make me pregnant with the help of doctors, I mean it has happened once before. I thought I had faith that God can make me pregnant naturally with a miracle, but I don’t really think I had that faith or trust in God to do it for us.

Why do I say so? Because I was so depressed and down in the dumps because we cannot go for another IVF! I kept thinking of it and every time I thought of it, I got upset and more depressed. Then I would remind myself that I need to trust God and believe for that natural miracle, but a little while later my thoughts would go back to the same stuff again. I even wondered if I could approach my FS and see if he could not do some other form of treatment like another IUI, but with intralipids, something that would be cheaper, but still give us a chance at another pregnancy. I was so temped to phone them or e-mail them and see if it could be done and I finally realized that if I want to trust in God to heal Shumi, then I had to trust in God to make me pregnant naturally.

It’s simple – we have no other choice in the matter with Shumi – 2 vets told us that there is nothing they can do for Shumi – so medical science has failed us here. The only One we can trust in for healing is God. And I do believe God will heal Shumi – I believe He is working already and that He has done a lot already – the fact that our vet was so surprised at how well he looked a month ago and the fact that Shumi has survived past the “few months” that the other vet gave him is enough proof to me.

But in spite of this I still could not get our FS and possible treatments with our clinic out of my mind. With my mom it was easier, because she is still going for treatments, so naturally I believed that God will heal her, either Himself with a miracle or through the Chemotherapy.

Let me also tell you that it is very difficult to stay in faith and trust God for healing when you are feeling sick and miserable and it seems that you are not getting better. I got the flu from my DH – I joked and said he had “man flu”, but when I got it I felt totally miserable for 2 weeks! So he told me I also had the “man flu”, well I acted like I had it! When I was better for about 2 days I got Gastro! Yes, real Gastro – the one that starts with vomiting and later you get diarrhoea to go with it. I even had incredible pain in my whole body!

So what changed? I watched a program from Joy.ce Mey.er and she said that we must “pray, say and do” when we ask God for anything. Now most of us pray a lot and ask God to help us, and I’ve mentioned that I do confess scriptures a lot, so that is the saying, but what about the doing? Well she explained that we have to wait in expectation for God to do what we asked and we must act like we have already received it! We must have an expectant attitude and basically be in a situation where we cannot wait for God to do good things in our lives. Here’s where I got the revelation. I did not have that expectant attitude! I would say my attitude lately was mostly negative.

I started by saying things like: “I cannot wait for God to show us proof that Shumi is completely healed. I cannot wait for all the symptoms to go away! I cannot wait to get positive HPT! I cannot wait to share my testimony to the world of the miracles that God has done in our lives! I cannot wait to see what good things will come out of this day!”

But weirdly enough by the second day – I wasn’t just saying it anymore because that was what Joy.ce told me to do – I believed what I was saying! I was actually excited! I wasn’t thinking about going to the doctors anymore! I trusted and believed in God again! That He will give us a natural pregnancy miracle! And you know what? Suddenly I wasn’t feeling sick and miserable anymore! And no more depression! I’m actually enjoying my life again! I have hope again!

***

I think I must just put a disclaimer in here. I won’t judge you if you do go for fertility treatments or go to doctors for any kind of medical procedure. I’m not saying it’s wrong or that you shouldn’t do it. What I’m saying is that for us, with our situation at the moment that is what we should do. We must trust in God and believe for those miracles in our lives. I will still support you all the way if you go see a FS, go for any kind of treatment or even if you go for adoption, I will still pray for you that you will get your miracle!

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An update on my mom:

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about my mom.  She is doing great and feels great.  She is wearing a wig these days and I must say if you don’t know it’s a wig, I don’t think you will notice it. 

She has had 2 sessions of chemotherapy and was supposed to get the 3^rd more than 2 weeks ago already, but her blood platelet count is too low.  I see on the internet it is a common side effect of chemotherapy, and sometimes an indication that the dose is too strong.  My mom said her oncologist actually also said the same, so when she get the next chemo session the dose won’t be so strong.  When she will get it will off course depend on how her platelet level is.  She goes in every Monday for blood tests and when it’s high enough she will get her 3^rd chemotherapy treatment.

This delay has off course the implication that she will not stop just before Christmas anymore, but will probably only be finished in the New Year.  That is if they don’t reduce the number of treatments.  Apparently she might go for another PET scan after the 3^rd treatment and if that scan is clear she might not have to do 6 treatments.  I hope for her sake that that will be the case.  Not that she is taking it badly, but just because I don’t want her to go for any unnecessary treatments, and off course it would be absolutely the best news if she is cancer free!

My mom is so glad she listened to her instincts and got a second opinion as it has become clear that she got a lot of damage from the radiation she received earlier this year.  And that quack wanted to do more radiation!  According to my mom’s current oncologist the treatment plan that her previous oncologist suggested would have been wrong for her and would only have increased the damage.  She only saw that guy twice or maybe 3 times in about 2 to 3 months, but she sees this current doctor every single time she goes there, even if they only did blood tests…  It just shows you, that we might not always know much about a certain thing, but if your gut says something is wrong, go get a second opinion!

I believe my mom is already healed and I’m just waiting for the proof – so I hope she can go for that PET scan soon!

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KT is 4 months old already!

I cannot believe that my “baby” KT is already 4 months old today. She doesn’t look like a baby anymore. She is almost too big to pick up – but I still do every now and then, mostly because I know it will stop any day soon now. She is getting very heavy. She is just a bundle of muscles and energy!

She wants to play all day long. It is exhausting for DH, Shumi and I. Shumi plays with her about 3 hours every day, broken up into 2 or 3 sessions. I don’t know how they do it. She has also turned out to be a little thief! The other day I took a shower and put my watch on the edge of our bath tub. When I was finished and wanted to put it back on, my watch was gone. A while later we found it outside on the grass. DH also found our TV remote outside on the grass. Fortunately she doesn’t chew stuff – just carries it around. Once she stole some chocolate from the coffee table and ate it up – we found the wrapper in the garden, minus the chocolate! We have been spoiled with Shumi who is so well behaved that the thought did not even occur to us that she might do something like that!

I have found that it helps to keep KT busy – we take walks through our complex everyday and that tires her out a bit, and we also let her go out on her own from this week. We are fortunate that all the dogs walk around freely and she can go outside and play by herself on the piles of building sand or try to play with the other dogs. Not that the other dogs want to play with her – there is just 1 other one that likes to play with her – Bonnie, but she doesn’t see her much. I also keep her busy by playing fetch with a ball. She likes to bring it back to me so that I can throw it again. A good game for me! She runs around and get tired and I can sit still in one place.

But I must say she has been a joy to us. She is very entertaining! She loves to perform for us, and doesn’t mind when we laugh at her! ! She is also a social butterfly – she just loves to meet new people and she is so happy to see anyone! It doesn’t matter who they are – some people tend to think that she thinks that they are special, but she is this way with everyone.

Here are some pictures and a video for you:

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From head knowledge to heart knowledge…

Most often I do not really want to blog about my feelings, especially lately because I don’t want my blog to be a lot of whining about how sad I am or how depressed I am.  But I realised that you probably have no idea how I’m feeling with all that we are going through at the moment.  So let me try to be honest, but not too whiny…

Last week I was sick with the flu – I was down and depressed because I was not feeling well, and it didn’t want to get better.  DH even accused me of having the dreaded “man flu”!  Because I didn’t really feel like I was getting better, the depression got worse…  Thursday was the worst day – I woke up with a horrible dream – I dreamt that there was some kind of growth on the outside of my uterus, and that I had to have an operation to have it cut out.  It was huge and I was worried that it would be an ugly scar and that they would also do a full hysterectomy.  All I can remember is that I was terribly upset afterwards, because I could not imagine my life childless, because that would have been the consequence if I had to have a hysterectomy.  All day I just kept thinking that I don’t want to live my life childless…

Then later, for some reason I thought of the moment when we were at the doctor and he saw our baby’s heartbeat was slow.  I relived the whole appointment with everything the doctor said to us, and the next appointment where we were told that our little baby that we’ve been waiting for so long had not made it…  I remembered vividly our feelings of joy that we were eventually pregnant, our excitement about the progress of the pregnancy and we could not wait for January to come to meet our baby, and how those feelings were shattered in an instant!  I remembered the disappointment and sadness and the unfairness of it all.  We were so close, but also so far away from that dream… 

I guess that it’s quite obvious that I just completely broke down and cried and cried…  The thing that makes it so hard is the fact that we cannot go for another IVF soon…  If that was possible, I would have had some hope, but the only thing I can hope for is a natural miracle at the moment.  People also don’t seem to understand that we really cannot do another IVF – they keep asking me when we will do it again, and asking silly things like “have you thought of doing donor eggs?”  If we cannot do a normal IVF then a donor egg IVF is even more out of the question.  We over extended ourselves with the last IVF, we weren’t even supposed to do that one, so another one is totally out of the question!

Also – it feels like everybody else has forgotten about our baby and the fact that I was pregnant.  Everything is back to what it was before my pregnancy.   No one mentions it, or even asks me how I’m feeling.  It is assumed that I must be OK – and I’m not.  Most of the time I’m not OK.  I’m still incredibly sad, and I think of our babies often, I think often of how far pregnant I’m supposed to have been and how close the due date is getting. We would have known whether they were boys or girls or maybe even one of each.  I am often wondering if this is all I would know of being pregnant – if this was the closest I would ever get to being a parent…

The other thing that really upset me was Shumi’s health – his eye looked bad again.  There was a lot of snot coming out of it on Friday and Saturday – we were cleaning it about every 15 to 30 minutes.  He also had some difficulty breathing when he was lying down, gasping for air every few minutes. 

I had a lot of conversations with God – not blaming Him, but just saying over and over again that I know that is not His fault that we are going through all this, but the devil’s fault.  I know it was not His will that we lost our babies.  I know that He loves us, and every tear and every anxious moment is just as terrible to Him, than it is to us.  I know that His word is true and that his word cannot return to Him void.  I know that once it was said it has to happen.  So I know we are supposed to be healed.  I know that He is no respecter of persons.  I know He has no favourites and there is no reason why He would not help us.  I know we are not being punished and I know He never wanted us to be infertile.  I know that in God’s land none will be barren or miscarry and that He wants us all to have a full lifespan.  I know He will bless us more than any other people. I know He will take away sickness from among us. I know I am the apple of His eye…

Last night at church the message was about God’s love for us, and the minister kept talking about how some people perceive God to be an angry God that wants to punish us every time we do something wrong and he set out to prove from God’s Word that it is not so.  And I just knew that I’m long past that stage.  The thought doesn’t come up in my mind anymore.  I know God loves me more than anything or anyone I can ever love.  I know He is merciful and would rather forgive than judge or punish me. 

I realised that some things have become more than theoretical knowledge – it’s become something that I believe with my whole heart, and I don’t have to go back to those thoughts ever again.  I also realised that I have grown tremendously over the last few months – Just when I thought my relationship with God could not have grown any deeper it went to a whole different and more involved level.  I am so thankful for that! 

So what I’m trying to say is this:  It’s hard, all this that we are going through.  Very hard and I am depressed, but in spite of everything, God is helping me.  There is this deep knowledge inside me that I can trust God and that He will heal us all.  Even if it doesn’t look like it, feel like it or sound like it.  I don’t need proof.  I have read the proof in the Bible and I believe it.  It’s taking a whole lot longer than I thought it would, but I’m not giving up.  Ne.rida Wal.ker said in one of her video’s on You Tu.be that there are 3 steps to success:  information, revelation and application. 

I got the information a while ago, I have received revelation regarding that information and now it’s cemented in my heart.  That’s the application.  I think what helped a lot was to continuously confess scriptures out loud – it is second nature now to think of those scriptures when I hear something or I think something negative.  There are times that are so hard that I don’t know how I’ll get through the day, but then I turn to God and He gives me strength and hope, and I actually make it.  But there are also days that are better – where I have much more hope, and then I’m so grateful to God for what He has done for us, and is still doing for us.  With the help of God we will be OK, eventually, I know that.  But it’s not easy…

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Thank God

I got this e-mail yesterday, and it really touched my heart.  I want to share it with you, because a lot of the time we are so in the midst of our troubles or worries that we forget to thank God.

Dear GOD: 
I want to thank You for what you have already done. 
I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards. 
I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better. 
I’m not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me. 
I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears… 
I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves. 
I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet. 
I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job. 
I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief. 
I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed. 
I am thanking you right now. I am thanking you because I am alive. I am thanking you because I made it through the days of difficulties. I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles. 
I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more and do better. 

I’m thanking you because FATHER, YOU haven’t given up on me. 

God is good, all the time; continue to THANK HIM.

***

I also have this tattered piece of paper stuck on my computer screen, I’ve had it for years now – it used to be on my computer screen at work, also from an e-mail I received once when I was heartbroken after another negative pregnancy test. 

Happy Moments, praise God

Difficult moments, seek God

Quiet moments, worship God

Painful moments, trust God

Every moment, thank God!

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The importance of Praise:

When I looked up scriptures for my last post it reminded me of something I read in  “Are you ready for your Hea.ling?” from Dr Fr.ed Chi.lds.  There is a part in his book that says:  “Praise Leads the Way:

Jesus said, “These signs shall follow them that believe.”  If signs aren’t following you then something is missing, but if you believe in what God’s Word declares, then signs will ultimately follow.

We must not be impatient with God.  God is not interested in our self-centred desires for instant results.  He desires for each of us to seek His Will until we know it, and then patiently praise Him and persevere until He does what He has revealed.  The best way to gain confidence in God is to praise Him until His promise is manifested.  Then praise continues and a testimony arises because of what the Lord has done.  This glorifies Him in the Earth.

Hebrews 10:35-36 (NIV):  “³⁵ So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.  ³⁶ You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”

The Will of God is to pray, fast and seek until the scales of carnality are removed and we can see what God wants us to see.  Then in confidence we should praise Him.  God dwells in the midst of His people, just as He came between the faces of the cherubs that praised Him in the Holy of Holies.

Matthew 18:18-20 (NIV):  “¹⁸ I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.  ¹⁹ Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.  ²⁰ For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” 

The two or three Jesus spoke of, are those who know God’s will and choose to praise Him until His glory is manifested.  Unity and steadfast praise is a missing part of the church today, yet it is a fulfilment of Prophecy found in Zechariah.”

Zechariah 2:10 (NIV):  “¹⁰ Shout and be glad, O Daughter of Zion. For I am coming, and I will live among you, declares the LORD.”

If you are not sure how to praise God you can always look to the Bible for inspiration.  Here are some examples:

Psalm 145:3 (NIV):  “³Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no-one can fathom.”

Psalm 96:4-6 (NIV):  “⁴For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.  ⁵ For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the LORD made the heavens.  ⁶ Splendour and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary.”

Psalm 66:1-4 (NIV):  “¹ Shout with joy to God, all the earth!  ² Sing the glory of his name; make his praise glorious!   ³ Say to God, How awesome are your deeds! So great is your power that your enemies cringe before you.  ⁴ All the earth bows down to you; they sing praise to you, they sing praise to your name.”

Isaiah 6:3 (NIV):  “³ And they were calling to one another:  Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”

Psalm 57:9-11 (NIV):  “⁹I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.  ¹⁰ For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.  ¹¹Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth.”

Psalm 150:2 (NIV):  “² Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness.” 

Isaiah 25:1 (NIV):  “¹ O LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvellous things, things planned long ago.”

Psalm 40:1-4 (NIV):  “¹ I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.  ² He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  ³ He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.  ⁴Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.”

Psalm 106:1-5 (NIV):  “¹ Praise the LORD.  Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.  ² Who can proclaim the mighty acts of the LORD or fully declare his praise?  ³ Blessed are they who maintain justice, who constantly do what is right.  ⁴ Remember me, O LORD, when you show favour to your people, come to my aid when you save them, ⁵ that I may enjoy the prosperity of your chosen ones, that I may share in the joy of your nation and join your inheritance in giving praise.”

Here is one that is totally appropriate for us who all long for a child of our own.  Hannah’s prayer of praise when she eventually got her child that she so longed for:  1 Samuel 2:1-5 (NIV):  “¹ Then Hannah prayed and said:  My heart rejoices in the LORD; in the LORD my horn is lifted high. My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I delight in your deliverance.  ²There is no-one holy like the LORD; there is no-one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.   ³Do not keep talking so proudly or let your mouth speak such arrogance, for the LORD is a God who knows, and by him deeds are weighed.  ⁴The bows of the warriors are broken, but those who stumbled are armed with strength.  ⁵ Those who were full hire themselves out for food, but those who were hungry hunger no more. She who was barren has borne seven children, but she who has had many sons pines away.”

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Faith and healing:

For some reason yesterday morning, I’m not really sure how or why, I was reminded of something that happened about 2 years ago.  We were in a cell group of our church and there were 3 couples in this group.  We were the one couple, my friend R and her husband were the other couple and there was this 3^rd couple who had 2 children.  This 3^rd couple went through a rough time, because their daughter (aged 6) was sick with a very rare but debilitating disease.  It was not cancer – I cannot remember the correct name for her disease, but she was in pain every day and there were times that she had to be in a wheelchair as she could not walk or run because of that pain.   She missed school a lot, it was just too painful to go.  The treatment was Chemotherapy, but it wasn’t really helping…

I remember praying one day for this little girl and I actually asked God – “Is my faith sufficient to heal this girl?”  I knew her parents had faith, but what if they didn’t have faith?  What about other little kids like this one whose parents were not Christians?  She was so little, and I was not sure what this little girl’s faith was like.  I believed that you had to have enough faith for yourself to be healed. I finished praying and immediately after I read the following in my Bible:

Mark 2:1-12 (NIV):  “Jesus Heals a Paralytic  ¹A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. ²So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. ³Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. ⁴Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. ⁵When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”  ⁶Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, ⁷“Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”  ⁸Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? ⁹Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? ¹⁰But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . .” He said to the paralytic, ¹¹“I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” ¹²He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!””

It was as if verse 5 jumped out of the page at me.  Jesus saw the faith of the 4 friends of this paralysed man and he said that this man’s sins were forgiven…  It doesn’t say Jesus saw the faith of the paralysed man – but the faith of his friends…  Wow!  What a wonderful revelation that was!  And it was so amazing that God gave me an immediate answer!

Recently when I did the “Di.vine Hea.ling Tech.nician” course Cur.ry Bla.ke said the same.  The person that needs healing does not have to be a Christian, does not have to be saved or without sin or have faith so that he will be healed, the only thing that is necessary is that the one that wants to help heal has to have enough faith.  That person needs to have faith that the Holy Spirit will do the healing through him or her.  

Another interesting thing that he said was that salvation is the biggest miracle of all.  And you can see that from the above verses it seems that was what Jesus thought as well.  I get the idea that Jesus says here:  It’s much easier to tell this man to walk out of here than for him to be saved… And I’ll prove it to you.  So the man got healed and saved!  Isn’t that amazing?

Now that is not what I believed – I thought it was much easier to be saved than for such a miracle to happen.  Why?  Because I did not think miracles like that still happened today, but I knew people got saved every day.  I’ve never seen anything like that happen or even heard a true story of something like that.  There are no healing lines or laying of hands on the sick, in our church – I believed you could pray to God, ask for healing and if it’s His Will He would heal you.  It looked like it was not very often God’s Will to heal, because I never saw any miraculous healings.  Some people got healed, but it could have been the doctors, or the medicine, or God….

I think I am not the only one that believed stuff like that – most people I know think the same.  Most people think that real healing miracles from God, without any medical intervention and no medical explanation does not happen anymore.  I believed that those miracles in the Bible did happen, but only because God wanted to work that way for whatever reason then, and for some other unknown reason he does not work like that anymore today.

I cannot explain to you how that revelation that it should still happen today affected my life! I’m getting more and more messages of hope, and that I’m on the right track…  Last Saturday I did a street outreach again and I spoke to one of the other volunteers and she said on her own without me saying anything about the topic:  “Do you know that God’s word is like a sword?  That we can defeat the devil by speaking God’s word out loud?”  She told me about someone’s vision she saw on TV – I think it was on one of Joy.ce Me.yer’s programs.  That person saw a vision of a bright light coming out of his mouth every time he spoke God’s Word out loud… I also came across a video on You Tube last week from Ne.rida Wal.ker who said she had a vision of a masonry wall that represented a blockade, and that it was slowly broken down every time she spoke God’s word.  It was like someone chipped at it with a hammer and chisel until it finally completely broke down.  I immediately realized I was impatient and that I need to do a lot more work here.  I believe, but I’m not speaking God’s Word out aloud enough!  Here is that video on You Tube if you want to watch it for yourself:

Well today I can gladly say that this little girl is so much better – she is not getting Chemotherapy anymore, because a new drug has been released that works so much better and she is in school, does not need a wheel chair anymore, and can run and play like any other 8 year old girl! Last time I heard she still gets treatment once every few months, but the disease is managed…

My friend “G” is also doing very well – he is seeing the surgeon later today to find out what he found during the operation, but it seems that they did not cut nearly as much out as he anticipated at first.  He can still speak; a bit more difficult than before, and he says that he is not really in much pain.  The surgeon did not cut to the outside of his face, so there is no scarring that you can see.  He has a bigger hole in his mouth than before – eating is difficult, because the liquidised food goes into his nose, but he manages.  He looks good and he says he feels good.    

And then my last success story for now:  I took KT to the vet last week for her inoculations and I took Shumi with just for the ride.  Now Shumi knows the vet’s place very well ever since he spent almost 6 weeks there after his snake bite.  Usually I battle to get him out of the car, but not his time – he wanted to come out of the car and go inside with us.  So the vet’s assistant was so surprised to see Shumi is still alive and obviously she thought I was there for Shumi.   When the vet came in it was exactly the same reaction.  They could not believe how well he looks, and to be frank that he is not dead yet…  They thought we have him on some kind of treatment – what I don’t know, because there is no medical treatment that will help him, but they could not believe how good Shumi looks, and how much energy he has.  The previous time this same vet made me feel guilty because I didn’t have Shumi euthanized yet, this time he didn’t even mention it, because it does not look like he is sick!  He still has one blocked nostril and a little discharge from his one eye and the lump on his back is almost gone!  The vet was actually laughing at Shumi and KT and he was just shaking his head.  Eventually he said it must be a slow growing tumour…  I am confident that we will prove him wrong.

So I need to Praise the Lord here!  It can only be by the grace of God that Shumi and G are doing so well and are looking so good!  It can only be the healing power of God that is at work here!  They basically have the same problem – Shumi and G – both were diagnosed with a cancerous tumour in the nose area that affects the soft palate.  The difference is in humans there are not so many blood vessels in the nose, so it is still possible to operate, but on dogs there are too many blood vessels and the specialist vet said no vet in South Africa will operate in that area, not even the vets at Onderstepoort Veterinary Institute! 

A while ago I was despondent, because I was not seeing any results, actually I was seeing the opposite – it looked like Shumi was getting worse.  I was faced with a difficult decision – keep on believing or stop believing.  I chose to trust God, and now I can see results!  It took a new commitment, some more studying, and putting in a lot of work – finding scriptures to confess and actually making time to regularly confess them.  I believe I’m starting to crack that wall!  I now keep that image in my mind’s eye when I’m confessing the scriptures, and I’m confessing it over so many people’s (and dogs) lives and their health! 

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Who is God?

In my last post I mentioned that we often do not know God.  In that post I mentioned some scriptures, but there are so many more so I want to dedicate a whole post to it today.  It is so important that we get to know God for who He really is and not to think we know who He is.  There is a huge difference.  I have learnt that recently – God is not who I thought He was – but so much better, bigger, mightier and more loving than I could ever imagine!

It says in Hosea 4:6 (NIV):  “⁶ my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.  Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law of your God, I also will ignore your children.”

So who is God really?

God is Love:  1 John 4:8-10, 16 (NIV):  “⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.” John 3:16 (NIV):  “¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  Ephesians 3:18-19 (NIV):  “¹⁸ …to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”  Romans 8:38-39 (NIV):   “³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

God is Holy:  1 Samuel 2:2 (NIV):  “² “There is no one holy like the LORD; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.” Psalm 77:13 (NIV):  “Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?” Psalm 99:5 (NIV):  “Exalt the LORD our God and worship at his footstool; he is holy”

God is Mercy: Ephesians 2:4-5 (NIV):  “⁴But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”  Micah 7:18 (NIV):   “¹⁸ Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance?  You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.”

God is Peace:  1 Corinthians 14:33 (NIV):  “³³For God is not a God of disorder but of peace…” and Isaiah 9:6 (NIV):  “⁶ For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.  And he will be called Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

God is Good:  Psalm 107:1 (NIV):  “¹ Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.”

God is Just:  Deuteronomy 32:4 (NIV):  “⁴ He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just.  A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.” 

God is Perfect:  2 Samuel 22:31 (NIV):  “³¹ “As for God, his way is perfect;   the word of the LORD is flawless.  He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.”  Psalm 18:30 (NIV):  “³⁰ As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless.  He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.”

God is a Warrior:  Exodus 15:3 (NIV):  “³ The LORD is a warrior; the LORD is his name.”

God is our Redeemer:  Isaiah 48:17 (NIV):  “¹⁷ This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:   “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.”  Isaiah 54:5 (NIV):  “⁵ For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.”

God is not evil:  1 John 1:5 (NIV):  “⁵ This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.”  Psalm 92:15 (NIV):  “¹⁵ proclaiming, The LORD is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”

God is our Healer:  Psalm 103:3 (NIV):  “³ who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,” Psalm 147:3 (NIV):  “³ He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.”

God cares for you, tell Him your troubles:  1 Peter 5:7 (NIV):  “⁷ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

God is forgiving, slow to anger, compassionate and abounding in love:  Nehemiah 9:17 (NIV):  “¹⁷ They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles you performed among them. They became stiff-necked and in their rebellion appointed a leader in order to return to their slavery. But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate; slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them,” Psalm 86:15 (NIV):  “¹⁵ But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.”  Jonah 4:2 (NIV):  “² He prayed to the LORD, O LORD, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.”

God does not change His mind and he does not lie:  Malachi 3:6 (NIV):  “⁶ I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.”  James 1:17 (NIV):  “¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  Numbers 23:19 (NIV):  “¹⁹ God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfil?”

God cannot break His Word:  Psalm 89:34 (NIV):  “³⁴ I will not violate my covenant or alter what my lips have uttered.” 

God does not have favourites:  Acts 10:34 (NIV):  “³⁴ Then Peter began to speak: I now realise how true it is that God does not show favouritism.”  Romans 2:11 (NIV):  “¹¹ For God does not show favouritism.”

God answers prayers:  1 John 5:14-15 (NIV):  “¹⁴ This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.   ¹⁵ And if we know that he hears us— whatever we ask— we know that we have what we asked of him.”  Philippians 4:19 (NIV):  “¹⁹ And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

God does not take away his gifts:  Romans 11:29 (Amp):  “²⁹For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.]

Jesus is the Word made Flesh:  John 1:14 (NIV):  “¹⁴The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

I’m sure there are many more descriptions of who God is, but these are a lot already so I’ll leave it at that for now…

We all have an image of who we think God is, and very often that image is not the same as what the Bible says.  We should only go on God’s Word, which is our final authority, not what we want Him to be…  That’s why I confirmed every statement with one or more Bible verses.  It is incredibly dangerous to decide things about what we believe if it’s not backed up by scripture.  So dangerous in fact that you might be guilty of breaking the second commandment:  Exodus 20:4 (NIV):  “⁴ You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.”  If you change God into whom you want Him to be, it is a form of idolatry, because you are worshiping a god that is not The True God! 

I want to give you all an assignment today – I want you to think about what you believe about God, and about your infertility, and to test it against His Word.  Go look for scriptures to confirm what you believe, to see if it’s true.  I have given you examples in previous posts about some of the lies the devil told us and proven them wrong with scripture.  I want to ask you to be honest with yourself and see if you might be guilty of believing the devil’s lies, or even idolatry…  Or if you have had a revelation about a lie that you have believed for so long, I’m asking you to share it with us all, because there might be more of us that believe that same lie…  I know I don’t know it all yet, I’m sure there is still a lot I need to learn!

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The things we say, but shouldn’t:

Lately I have been listening a lot to what people say in general about infertility.  I’m not just talking about the “fertiles” that have opinions on infertility here, but also actual Christians that are infertile.  It even reminded me of things I have said myself, out loud to others, or even in prayers to God.  And I realised that we are being extremely unfair to God.  He is blamed for a lot of things that is not His fault.  Mostly it is because I have learnt so much lately and my eyes have been opened to a lot of lies that we believe.  I want to try to explain to you with examples, so that you will hopefully also get some understanding and revelation about these things.

1.  “I know/believe God can make me pregnant, I just don’t know if it’s His will.”  I was really guilty of this one.  I have said it myself, I might even have blogged it, and I’ve said it many, many times in my prayers.  “God, I believe in miracles, I believe you can do amazing wonderful things beyond my imagination, but I don’t know if it’s your will for me to get pregnant or have children…”  When I did the Divine Healing Technician course Curry Blake explained it very nicely, and was I convicted!  If you have a child (Sorry, not an ideal example for this blog!) and that child wanted something from you, let’s say a toy, or a bike – how would you feel if that child said to you:  “Mom, I know it is in your ability to give it to me (you can afford it), but I don’t know if you want to…”  Parents want to give their children everything they want, because they love them.  If it’s at all possible you would do everything to your ability to help them, it is never a question of whether you want to or not and it is actually very insulting if your child should imply that you don’t want to…  It’s the same with God – we are insulting Him when we say:  “God I know you can give me a baby, but I don’t think/know if you want to…”  We say things like this because we don’t know God, and we don’t know what His will is.

2.  “It was God’s will that I had to be infertile, to teach me something.”  Here is the same mistake again – we don’t know what God’s will is, otherwise we would not say things like this.  Also God does not teach us by letting us “suffer”, or by letting bad things happen to us.  I want to quote Dr Fr.ed Chi.lds from his book:  Are you ready for your healing, pg 194:  “It is inaccurate for anyone who has suffered a debilitating accident, serious disease, or tragedy to say, “God did this to teach me something.”  God never uses sickness, disease, or bodily deformity to teach or guide His people.  God has given His Spirit (Holy Ghost) and His Word to instruct, correct, rebuke and guide His people.  Since all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose, He can certainly use tragedy as an opportunity for His Spirit and Word to teach us.  However, that is much different than God doing bad things to teach us.  God does no evil.  John 16:13 (NIV) is one witness that God uses his Spirit to teach us.  “¹³ But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.”  2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV) is a witness that God uses His word to teach us.  “¹⁶ All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷ so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

3.  “God had to break me/my will, so that I could conform to His will.”  This is once again a statement from someone who does not know God.  God will not break you.  God will not hurt you.  It’s the devil that hurts, and breaks and destroys…  God will not stoop to the same level as the devil to accomplish anything in your life. Here are some scriptures that describes who God is:  1 John 4:8-10, 16 (NIV):  “⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.”  1 John 1:5 (NIV):  “⁵ This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.”  Psalm 92:15 (NIV):  “¹⁵ proclaiming, The LORD is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him.”  From these scriptures we can see that God loves us, so incredibly much that He sacrificed His Son for us, and that he has no wickedness or evil in Him so he cannot hurt us.

So what is God’s will about having children?  One of the first commands God gave Adam and Eve after they sinned in the Garden of Eden was:  Genesis 1:28 (NIV):  “…Be fruitful and increase in number…”
Exodus 23:25-26 (NIV):  “²⁵ Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, ²⁶ and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.” 
Deuteronomy 7:13-14 (NIV):  “¹³ He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land— your grain, new wine and oil— the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks in the land that he swore to your forefathers to give you.    ¹⁴ You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young.”
Deuteronomy 28:1-4 (NIV):  “¹ If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands that I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth.    ² All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God: ³You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.    ⁴ The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock— the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.”
Psalm 113:9 (NIV):  “⁹ He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children.   Praise the LORD”

Psalm 127:3-5 (NIV):  “³Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.    ⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.    ⁵ Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate”

Psalm 128:3 (NIV):  “³ Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots round your table.”
1 Timothy 2:15 (NIV):  “¹⁵ But women will be saved through childbearing— if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.”

So do you see that it is God’s Will for us to have children?  Most of these scriptures are also found in the Old Testament so that means it is Old Covenant scriptures – if it was God’s will under the Old Covenant is definitely His will under the New Covenant!

4.  “God works in mysterious ways.”  God does not work in mysterious ways.  We have a Bible to teach us how God works.  We need to read it and learn from it and then nothing will be hidden or mysterious to us anymore.  It says in Matthew 13:11-12 (NIV):  “¹¹ He replied, The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them.  ¹² Whoever has will be given more, and he will have abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him”

5.  “God’s timing is perfect.  We need to wait on God.”  Please read the following on God’s timing and on Waiting on God.  There is not much more I can say about it except that I think it’s more a matter of God waiting on us than us waiting on Him.  He is waiting for us to claim our inheritance, to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and to stop being victims…

6.  “God gives and takes away.”  If you read Mistake #1 from Common misconceptions from the book of Job: you will see how that statement is completely wrong.  It’s a verse that is often misquoted from the book of Job.  Let me quote from that post:  “God adds and multiplies, Satan subtracts and divides.  God is not a taker, but a giver.”  Let me prove it with some more scriptures:  James 1:17 (NIV):  “¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  Psalm 84:11 (NIV):  “¹¹ For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favour and honour; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”

7.  “I/you am/are being punished for something I’ve/you’ve done wrong.”  What could you have done that is so terrible that you have to be punished with infertility?  And why are other people like drug addicts or prostitutes not punished like that?  Because it is not a punishment.  Look at the blind man Jesus healed in John 9:1-3(NIV):  “¹ As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.    ² His disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?    ³ Neither this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.“  Another example:  Luke 1:5-7 (NIV):  ⁵ In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron.    ⁶ Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly.    ⁷ But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well on in years.”  I love this last example – It is so apt – even though they were “upright in the sight of God,” Zechariah and Elizabeth were barren, so it was not due to punishment… 

8.  “They say children are a blessing from God.  Then why am I not being blessed?”  I believe it’s not a matter of not being blessed, but rather a matter of your blessings being stolen from you.  In John 10:10 (NIV) it says:  “¹⁰ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  I’m sure if you looked at the scriptures above about God’s will for us regarding children you will see that children are definitely a blessing from God, unfortunately we don’t always receive those blessings, but we cannot blame that on God!

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Please watch these videos:

I stumbled across these videos on You Tube today – It’s exactly what I’ve been blogging about, but it has some testimonies too!  It’s from New Life Ministries in Australia.  This is their website:   http://www.newlifeministries.com.au/

I would love to hear what you think about it…

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