The Battle is the Lord’s:

I heard another awsome message yesterday that I want to share with you.  This message is from Angus Buchan and just confirms some things that I have heard lately, and which I’m trying to apply to my life. 

2 Chronicles 20:15-30 (NIV):  “¹⁵ He said: Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.  ¹⁶ Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel.  ¹⁷ You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.’  ¹⁸ Jehoshaphat bowed with his face to the ground, and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the LORD.  ¹⁹ Then some Levites from the Kohathites and Korahites stood up and praised the LORD, the God of Israel, with a very loud voice.  ²⁰ Early in the morning they left for the Desert of Tekoa. As they set out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the LORD your God and you will be upheld; have faith in his prophets and you will be successful.  ²¹ After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the LORD and to praise him for the splendour of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying:  Give thanks to the LORD, for his love endures forever.

 ²²As they began to sing and praise, the LORD set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated.  ²³ The men of Ammon and Moab rose up against the men from Mount Seir to destroy and annihilate them. After they finished slaughtering the men from Seir, they helped to destroy one another.  ²⁴ When the men of Judah came to the place that overlooks the desert and looked towards the vast army, they saw only dead bodies lying on the ground; no-one had escaped.  ²⁵ So Jehoshaphat and his men went to carry off their plunder, and they found among them a great amount of equipment and clothing and also articles of value— more than they could take away. There was so much plunder that it took three days to collect it.  ²⁶ On the fourth day they assembled in the Valley of Beracah, where they praised the LORD. This is why it is called the Valley of Beracah to this day.  ²⁷ Then, led by Jehoshaphat, all the men of Judah and Jerusalem returned joyfully to Jerusalem, for the LORD had given them cause to rejoice over their enemies.  ²⁸ They entered Jerusalem and went to the temple of the LORD with harps and lutes and trumpets.  ²⁹ The fear of God came upon all the kingdoms of the countries when they heard how the LORD had fought against the enemies of Israel.  ³⁰ And the kingdom of Jehoshaphat was at peace, for his God had given him rest on every side.”

“The prophet came to King Jehoshaphat and said:  “The Lord is with you”.  So is the Lord with you or are you trying to make your own plan?  It happens to all of us, as soon as we are in a tight spot we try to make a plan for ourselves, but those plans don’t always work!  God said to King Jehoshaphat, and the same is applicable to us, that He will fight the battle for us and that He will win!  So the message here is that if we are in an impossible situation that we should surrender to God, trust Him, do not fight and see what God will do for you! 

So often we become impatient if God does not answer our prayers immediately, so we want to make our own plans.  But don’t do that! 

Psalm 46:10 (NIV):  “¹⁰ Be still, and know that I am God…”

Hebrews 13:5 (NIV):  “…because God has said, Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Mark 11:24 (NIV):  “²⁴ Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

The battle is not ours to fight, it is the Lord’s as long as we are in his divine covering and anointing.  You can’t ask God to help you if you are not willing to walk in His precepts and commandments…

Because King Jehoshaphat was a man of great faith, he bowed down in prayer and worshipped God.  This battle was impossible to win – the enemy was too great.  Now that might sound ridiculous to some people to pray and worship in such dire circumstances, but King Jehoshaphat knew what God wanted him to do.

Sometimes we might also be in an impossible situation, and we should do the same in those situations.  We must get on our knees and ask God for help, we should acknowledge that we cannot do anything in the circumstances and just worship God.  We might not be able to do anything about it, but Jesus can!

Matthew 7:7 (NIV):  “⁷ Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV):  “³ Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Allow God to fight the battle for you and let me tell you something, you will see a victory like you’ve never seen in your life before!  But it takes a lot of courage not to get involved.  It is so much harder to wait, than to try and fix things yourself.  I (Angus Buchan) think it was Oswald Chambers that said:  “It takes faith to live from day to day.  It doesn’t take faith for the climaxes, because adrenalin does that for you.  It doesn’t take faith in the low times, because you are on your knees anyway, but it takes faith to live one day at a time.”  That is so true!

How about another example:  When God delivered the Israelites from Egypt, Moses said to them:

Exodus 14:13-14 (NIV):  “¹³ Moses answered the people:  Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.  ¹⁴ The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

From that moment until today Egypt has not been a threat to Israel ever again.  My friends please know that there is no enemy that is too big for God.  No enemy!  I pray that the Lord Jesus Christ takes over today – stand back, start to praise Him, not for your problems, but for your victory that is coming – He can and will do it for you!”

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2010 in hindsight:

Last year was rough. One of the toughest ever, but I think also one of the most memorable. So much happened and although I felt at times that I would not survive it, I did! I don’t want to complain in this post, because you all know by know what my hardships were. Instead I want to marvel at God – how absolutely awsome He is and what He did for us.

When I think back to the beginning of the year I couldn’t wait to get my hysteroscopy over and done with, to remove the polyp and get going with my FET. The operation was really easy and I healed well. I had read up a lot about intralipids and I just had this feeling that the intralipids was what I needed to get pregnant and even though my FS did not believe it would work I was able to convince him that it could not hurt to try it.

In February we went ahead with a natural FET – no medication before hand as the FS explained to me that high levels of oestrogen was causing the polyps. I had a perfect follicle and lining and I was triggered when the follicle was big enough. I had 9 embryo’s left from my previous IVF. With my previous IVF they transferred three 8 cell embryo’s on day 3 and the rest were all frozen. There were 2 more 8 cell embryo’s frozen, some 6 cells, some 4 cells and even a 2 cell. I knew not all were good enough, but I had hoped that I would at least be able to do 2 FET’s. On ET day I was told only 2 survived the thaw out of the 9. Those 2 were only 3 cells each and bad quality – the worst quality they rate at my clinic. So it was no surprise that even though I had the intralipids for the first time I didn’t get pregnant. Intralipids cannot fix bad quality embryo’s. It was still a shock and a big disappointment to me to get the news of a BFN only a few days before my birthday. The interesting thing was that this time my beta was 2. Previously I always got a beta of <5 on the report. I don’t know whether it meant something or not, it was still a BFN, but it was certainly the first time that I knew some HCG was in my body.

I went to see my FS about 2 weeks later and he suggested that we do a mini IVF. For 3 reasons: 1. He didn’t want to give me too strong medication as it could cause another polyp, 2. I stimmed well, I made 14 eggs with both previous IVF’s which my FS found that to be too much anyway, and 3. My embryo’s did not do well with the freezing and thawing process and that was another reason not to get too many embryo’s. Initially we said the FET’s would be our last chance, but when the FS suggested the mini IVF, and the costs were quite a bit less than a normal IVF, we decided to make a plan and go ahead with it.

I started writing in the beginning of the year, but I was not comfortable to share it with anyone. It did not come easy, but I managed to write down some stuff that was incredibly hard to admit to myself let alone anyone else. Some time in March I felt compelled to start this blog, but the writing style and topics were so different to what I wrote about previously. This time it was not hard to write at all. It came easy and I loved it. I think most of it did not come from me, but was inspired by the Holy Spirit, because every time I try to write something about other stuff, it’s hard again, and just does not seem to work…

At first when I got my BFP I found it strange to have battled infertility for 10.5 years and suddenly only a month after I started my blog I’m pregnant. How’s that for timing? I cannot believe that it was coincidence. Another thing that I realized much later was that just after I started my blog, Shumi started to get sick. I just didn’t realize it at the time. In the first week of April Shumi started to get nosebleeds, not a lot and not too often, but enough for me to take him to the vet. I remember this as it was around his birthday which is the 5th of April. The vet mentioned that it could be cancer, but I refused to even entertain the thought. The bleeding stopped after the visit to the vet and I didn’t think about it again until a few months later. My mom had also just stopped her radiation treatment and we were all hopeful that she was completely healed.

Our pregnancy was off course the highlight of the year – something that was just a dream come true and a absolute miracle to us. I cannot tell you in words the joy we felt in knowing that eventually I was pregnant. The thought of miscarriage did not even cross my mind. I always thought that God would protect me from miscarriage – we battled so long to get pregnant, I just assumed that everything would go well afterwards, that we deserved a problem free pregnancy. Or in the least that God would not take away the miracle that He gave us in the first place. I was so wrong in my thinking!

But I did miscarry and shortly afterwards Shumi got sick again and was diagnosed with cancer, my mom found out she had to go for Chemo therapy, because the PET scan was inconclusive and they could not say whether she had cancer or not, so it was best to be cautious and treat her for cancer…

That was when I felt the bottom had dropped out completely. I had lost our miracle baby and the closest thing to a child of our own was our beloved dog Shumi, who was terminally ill, and more than 1 vet told us there is nothing they can do for him, and all of that together with my mom’s illness was just about too much to handle. I felt like I was going to lose my mind, and I had so many questions regarding why this was happening to us. One day I read an article in the “Joy” magazine about Jo.hn G La.ke Mini.stries after I begged God to give me answers to all my questions. That led me to listen to their course “The Di.vine Hea.ling Tech.nician” and that opened my eyes to a whole different side of God, and Jesus Christ and my view on Christianity. God also led me to some other resources that confirmed what I learnt there, and if you look back to my previous posts you will see that I mention them all.

So many of the things I believed were proven wrong. I learnt that God does not cause or even allow illness, or infertility or miscarriages. I learnt that the person to blame was the devil, not God. I learnt that I was doing a lot of stuff wrong and that my wrong actions allowed these bad things to happen. I learnt to trust God completely, and to stop trusting in myself, medicine and doctors. I’m not saying it’s wrong to trust in medicine or doctors, but that in certain instances they will still fail you, and then there is nothing else you can trust in but God, and that was what I had to do. I had to learn to be patient, to be at peace, to stop worrying and find rest with God. I learnt there is power in the Word of God, and the words we speak and the thoughts we think. If those words or thoughts are negative, then it will influence your life negatively, and if you are positive it will influence your life positively. I learnt to see and appreciate the small miracles from day to day. I learnt to accept and receive God’s blessings and love, to stay close to Him and let Him comfort me. I learnt to start expecting good things to happen, and not to get discouraged when they don’t happen as quickly as I would like it to happen. I learnt to be obedient to God and do what He requires from me.

I was really impatient in the beginning when I learnt about God’s healing power – I wanted instant healing, like you read about in the Bible, but I learnt that it does not always happen instantly. I believe it works differently for everybody, because we don’t always understand or learn our lessons quickly. When I did not see results quickly I tried to get help from others, but it seems God wanted me to deal with this on my own. I get the idea He wants me to grow and learn from this, and not get anyone else to fix it for me. At the moment we haven’t had a breakthrough yet, but I’m expecting it any day now.

My mom will probably go for another PET scan soon, and I’m hoping that this time there will be no doubt that she is completely healed from her cancer. She still has some IBS symptoms, she was admitted to hospital about a week before Christmas with terrible pain, but it turned out to be the after effects of the barium enema and nothing serious. She tells me she feels better every day.

I’m expecting a pregnancy every month, so far it hasn’t happened, but it also hasn’t discouraged me from hoping that this month will be it. What I have found is that my cycles are getting longer again and my lutual phase is longer, the spotting that I had before AF arrives is getting less again, my CM is becoming more like egg white consistency again and I have no more pain assocated with the adenomyosis like previous months. I can feel the inside of my pelvic area is more sensitive during ovulation, so I’m assuming it’s ovulation pains, which I normally also never feel.

Shumi is much better – he has no more snot, and his eye looks good, but he has had quite a bit of nose bleeds again. There is still some swelling on top of his nose and his nose is still mostly blocked, but he has a lot of energy, he eats well and looks well. It is almost 6 months after the vet said that he will only live a “couple” of months.

So in summary: It was a hard year, with intensely sad moments that I did not know how to cope with or survive at the time, but I have learnt and grown so much and God has been such a rock for me to lean on. I have felt His intense love for me, I realised that He hurts just as much as we do in the difficult moments, and that He just wants all that is good for us.   So I cannot say that 2010 was just a bad year – it was also a good year! But I’m not so brave to say that I would do it again though!

Psalm 50:14-15(NIV): “¹⁴ Sacrifice thank- offerings to God, fulfil your vows to the Most High, ¹⁵ and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honour me.”

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Control freak:

 

I used to be a total control freak – especially regarding my fertility.  I think I’m one of the most difficult patients my FS’s must have ever had!  I questioned everything that was suggested.  I researched everything that could have been a problem with me or my DH, and I suggested treatments or medication.  I am amazed that both the FS’s were so patient with me.  I think even DH was embarrassed at times, because I really grilled both doctors as if they were in an interview with me, and basically told them how to do their job – me who has just high school biology behind me versus a doctor who has studied probably more than 10 years to be able to do his job. 

I think it’s only recently that I changed into this control freak, well regarding our fertility treatments anyway – say the last year and a half.  I think it’s because I trusted doctors and I still didn’t get a positive pregnancy test.  It cost us a lot of money and a lot of heartbreak, and I felt burned.  So I decided not to trust anymore, and only rely on myself. 

After our miscarriage and after Shumi was diagnosed with his cancer, I think I freaked out a bit, because matters were out of my control no matter what I tried.  There was nothing I could do.  Thank God that he has guided me in this time, and one of the things that I have learnt is that I must trust Him completely with everything.  I thought I trusted Him – I did in certain matters, but I cannot say I trusted Him completely.  I still wanted to control certain things.

During the last 5 months God has been chipping away at this control issue of mine – it was not something that I was willing to let go easily.  Slowly I was able to let go of certain things, one at a time, and I think I am finally at the point where I can now say that it is now 100% in God’s hands.  The decision to not go for anymore fertility treatments was the last little bit that I had to let go.  And I’m happy about that decision.  I am calm and at peace.  I’m not worried that we won’t have children or that I’ve made a mistake – I trust that God will work it all out for good. 

I would never have been able to make all these decisions if it was not for the fact that God has given me some minor breakthroughs as proof that He is faithful and will help us.  I should have realized it all a long time ago, but I guess we are sometimes blind to things right under our noses.  Let me take you back a bit to some examples that I have actually blogged about:

1.        With our last IVF I was worried that I would have adenomyosis and that it would impact negatively on our IVF.  The month prior to that I was in considerable pain all month and the FS actually picked it up on a scan when I complained about the pain to him.  It looked like huge black circles in the wall of my uterus – almost like the follicles look on your ovaries when you are close to triggering, and thanks to reading Ja.ckie Mi.ze’s book – Su.perna.tural Child.birth I confessed that I will have no adenomyosis and there was nothing – no sign of it at all during any of our scans.  You can read about it in this post.
2.       During this same cycle I got another polyp (see this post) – something we tried to avoid by being on a low dose stimulation cycle as I got polyps with my last IUI and second IVF.  I had an operation to remove one a few months earlier and I was really scared of getting another and that it would affect implantation.  Fortunately I also confessed that the polyp would go away or shrink so much that it would not be an issue and that is exactly what happened.  See here:  The polyp was so small it could almost not be detected by ultrasound when they did ET – this has never happened to me – the polyps only got bigger as my lining thickened, and the FS could not explain it either.
3.       I must put our pregnancy in here too – for me this is still a miracle that I ever got to see a BFP – as it took a full 10,5 years to see it for the first time!  Even though it ended in a miscarriage, it is still a miracle to me, and it’s given me hope – because now I know I can get pregnant.  That was something that at one stage I thought was totally impossible!  I can with confidence now classify our pregnancy as a miracle, because I know now that God did not cause or allowed the miscarriage, it’s not His fault, so that does not make it less of a miracle.
4.       There is the time I suddenly saw Shumi had a big lump on his back and it was rock hard, it felt like bone – that really shook me.  Once again with the help of God that lump disappeared completely!  There is still no trace of it!  Shumi also had a little hard bump next to his tail one day, that is also almost completely gone and once DH felt Shumi’s palate, because the vet said that it would go soft and that would be one of the bad symptoms, showing us that he is deteriorating, and it was actually getting soft on the left hand side underneath where his tumour is supposed to be.  DH felt Shumi’s palate again a few weeks ago and there is no sign of a soft spot.  The latest breakthrough is that Shumi had real trouble sleeping at night and he woke us up at least twice every night with his hard breathing and gasping for air.  So I started to say things like:  “Shumi your nostrils are both open and you can breathe easily and you will have a good night’s sleep without waking up every now and then.”  He has slept through since then, and his one nostril was even unblocked for a little bit that one day last week.  His eye also looks a lot better! 

So you see God reminded me that he has done some wonderful miracles already, and that it is not impossible to do the rest.  It seems that some things go away quicker and easier than others, but I think that has to do with what the problem is and how I see that problem.  For instance the polyp I had was not such a big issue to me so that was resolved in about 5 days.  Shumi’s cancer and my infertility was something that was not so easy to believe that it would go away and I had to work on trusting God that He can heal us of it completely.  Now, I’m convinced and I cannot wait for the proof that Shumi is completely healed and the proof that I am pregnant!

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Jesus calms the storm:

I was watching a program of Angus Buchan on Sunday and he mentioned a lot of the miracles Jesus performed.  One stood out for me and had special meaning for my mental state at that moment, and that was when Jesus calmed the storm:

Matthew 8:23-27 (NIV):  “²³ Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him.  ²⁴ Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.  ²⁵ The disciples went and woke him, saying, Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!  ²⁶ He replied, You of little faith, why are you so afraid? Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.   ²⁷ The men were amazed and asked, What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

The fishing boats that they had on the Sea of Galilee were not very big and because of the unique position of the Sea of Galilee storms can brew up quickly and come up from the mountains around unexpectedly.  The waves would get very big and they were in a life threatening situation, so the disciples had every right to be afraid.   A lot of the disciples were fishermen and they were used to being on the water in those boats, so they knew how dangerous the situation was – yet Jesus was sleeping peacefully during the storm until they woke Him up.  Jesus could not have been worried about their safety if he had been sleeping…

The disciples had seen Jesus do miracles before.  With this act they saw how Jesus could control nature with just a few words, and nothing else.  It gave them a glimpse of the might and power Jesus has over all of creation.  This shows that we can worship Him and trust Him with anything in the universe, even our own lives or the problems in our lives.  We must trust Jesus to calm the storms in our lives – it is totally within His power to do so, and I found that out for myself on Sunday. 

I do not know what we will see tomorrow on the scan – I’m praying and hoping for a heartbeat of at least 150bpm, but I trust God.  He has given me peace.  I know He will help us through any situation, even if it feels like I would not be able to cope, but I have faith that we will get good news.  I believe that I am the apple of His eye – He loves me, and wants the best for me.  I believe he created life within in me and it is completely in His power to heal and restore life to our little precious baby.  I believe He sent me to the doctor at the right time with a minor problem (bleeding) so that we could attend to the bigger problem.  I know He has done one huge miracle by creating this life within me, so He can do another huge miracle and save my baby!  He has calmed the storms in my mind, because I know He is in control of everything!

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An update on us:

I thought I’ll tell you all a bit more about what happened the last few days…

I had some spotting every now and then since about 7 weeks and it was really very little, a spot or 2 at the most per day and some days nothing.  I thought it was due to my cervix as mine bleeds very easily.  Some of you might remember that I had some bleeding with ET on my last IVF and I also bled with most of my IUI’s and I even bled from my last pap smear a year ago.  I just assumed it was due to the Cyclogest pessaries that I’m taking.  Friday morning the spotting was more, but still not much, but I phoned the sister at the clinic.  She assured me that spotting is very common during the early stages of pregnancy, but that I must phone again if it should get red.  She speculated that it could be from the empty sac we saw on our first scan.  She also advised that I take the pessaries rectally especially as I suspected that it could be my cervix.

Saturday morning the spotting was worse and I was a little more worried.  Saturday afternoon the spotting became redder and less brown.  Now I was really worried.  I phoned the sister again – she advised me to go to the emergency room as they would phone my FS from there and that we will be able to get a scan there.  We don’t live close to our FS at all so it took quite a while to get there.  When we got there I could not get a scan as the x-ray department closed at 13h00 and we got there at about 15h00.  They had to book me in so that I could see the emergency room doctor.  He asked me if I was an infertility patient and why I needed all the treatments.  I answered that I have suspected implantation problems.  He said:  “that’s probably why you are miscarrying…”  I almost freaked out right there!  That doctor checked me internally and said my cervix was at least closed, so maybe there is still hope.  He spoke to my FS over the phone and my FS advised that we come in again the next morning at 9h00 at his rooms for a scan, as I could not get one at the hospital.

Saturday night at about 20h00 I got up from the TV and went upstairs to get into bed.  I felt that my panties were suddenly wet.  I went to the loo to check and there was red blood!  Not too much, but enough to cover my panty liner.  I decided that it must wait until Sunday morning as I’m not going to the emergency room again as it was of no use at all!  Fortunately that was the last of it, and afterwards it was brown spotting again.

Sunday morning we were there at 8h30 already waiting for the doctor and sister to come.  We got to have our scan and I almost had a heart attack.  The doctor was so quiet and just kept checking the sac and the baby from different angles.  He tried to get the heartbeat on the screen and wasn’t able to do so.  I looked at hubby and he looked like he was going to faint from the stress.  Later I just looked at the doctor’s face to see if I could read his expressions, as I did not know what I was seeing on the scan.  Eventually after about 5 minutes he started to explain what he saw – he was not worried about the bleeding as it was from a little spot in my uterus totally unrelated to our baby and he said it would stop soon.  He did not want to give me any medicine to stop the bleeding as he wants it out of my uterus.  Then he moved on to the baby – he measured it and asked if I’m about 8 weeks pregnant.  DH and I both shouted out – “No, 9 weeks”.  So I don’t know exactly how big the baby measured, but it seems to still be a little behind…

The worst was when the doctor said that the heartbeat was too slow – he could see it on the screen, but battled to measure it.  He estimated that it was between 90-100bpm.  It should be more than 150bpm.  He did say that all is not lost, that sometimes the baby will revive, and it could be a temporary problem… He also said that I’m already on all medication that they normally give to patients with threatening miscarriages, so we must let nature take its course…  He thought that it could be due to low progesterone, so I had that tested and I got a precautionary progesterone injection.  We decided that I would get another Intralipid drip as some people need it up to week 20, and that it could not hurt to take it.

The doctor did tell us what to look for as signs of a miscarriage, and what to do especially if it should happen after hours  and to which hospital to go to – not something anyone would like to discuss…

When we got to the car I just broke down and started crying… Poor DH I think I upset him even more than he was already – he is really taking it extremely hard.   He is so looking forward to this baby – he is constantly touching my belly and kissing it. 

This morning we had to drive very far again to the only hospital that I could find that had any Intralipid drips in stock and the sister at my FS’s clinic gave it to me.  She told me the progesterone levels were fine and that I can continue on Cyclogest.  I must say I hope my FS’s appreciate those sisters working there because they are worth their weight in gold!  But the sister said to me that 10% of pregnancies end up in miscarriages and that the slow heartbeat is not a good sign…  I told her I’m not giving up on this baby yet!

When we got in the car I told DH that even though some people have tactfully tried to warn us that I might miscarry, that I just cannot be negative and accept it just like that.  I’m feeling hopeful that our baby can still be all right – as long as there is a heartbeat I will not give up hope!  I feel that God gave us such a huge miracle with our pregnancy that I just cannot believe that it will be taken away from us again…  I’m hoping for another miracle, with everything I have…

I told DH about something that happened yesterday while I tried to sleep – I was lying on my bed almost asleep and I suddenly saw in my mind’s eye myself lying on a single bed with an electric cable going out of me up to heaven, where it’s plugged in and giving me strength.  Immediately after that I saw myself still lying like that but with angels all around the bed facing outwards with swords held up high above their heads.  I thought it was strange as I usually don’t think along those lines – I believe in angels as they appear in the Bible and I believe everything in the Bible, but I usually don’t think of them.  I think a lot about God our Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, but not about angels.  So I was wondering where these images came from, but I decided not to worry about it as I suddenly felt calm and at peace.  That is the last I can remember before falling asleep – since then I’m still calm, at peace and hopeful… 

The spotting has basically stopped completely, so that’s some good news.  We will be going for another scan on Wednesday and we will see how the heartbeat looks by then.  In the mean time I’m going to be hopeful that our baby will be all right. 

Thank you all for your prayers and messages of support – both of us really appreciate it!

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Where is your Focus?

Today I want to refer back to one of my favourite books:  “God’s po.wer to cha.nge your li.fe” from Ri.ck War.ren.  He says something so profound in that book that I just need to share it with you.  He says we must focus on the presence of God.  We must realise that God is always with us and we must learn to be aware of His presence.

Isaiah 26:3 (NIV):  “³ You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.”

We have a choice:  Focus on your problems or focus on God, who can give us the solution to our problems.  If we look at the world we will get discouraged or dejected, if you look inside you will get depressed, but when you look to Jesus Christ you will have peace.  Focus on the presence of God, He is with you and has promised to never leave you.  When you are stressed, it means you are not focusing on God, but on your circumstances.  You are focusing on the problem and not on God.  Stress is God’s way of saying:  “get your priorities straight, focus on Me!”

Psalm 46:1-2 (NIV):  “¹ God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  ² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,”

Psalm 46:11 (NIV):  “¹¹The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”

Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV):  “⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

How do we get this peace?  Ask God to give it to you.  First you must pray and the result will be peace.  When you get dejected don’t get anxious – pray!

1 Peter 5:7 (NIV):  “⁷ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

John 14:1 (NIV):  “Jesus Comforts His Disciples:  ¹ Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.”

You will never experience lasting peace if Jesus Christ is not in control of your life.  Remember:  Peace does not mean you will have a life without problems; peace is the feeling of calm in the middle of the storm…

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